10 years

It has been 10 years since you passed away, Dad. 10 years. It feels like a lifetime ago, and also like it was just yesterday. I try hard to remember, even though it hurts. I never want to forget your voice. Sometimes I am afraid that if I don’t remember to remember, that I will forget forever. My life is very much the same as it was when you left, but also so vastly different. I lost something when I lost you that I have never been able to get back. I don’t know how I have been able to live without you being here. You were the only one who I ever get truly understood me and always had my back, the only person I ever believed loved me unconditionally. Every single day of my life I notice in some way that you are gone. Sometimes, the memories ore more happy than sad, but when the laughter stops, it’s just the silent reminder that you are gone. I am so glad that you are not suffering or in pain anymore. I wouldn’t ever have wanted that for you. It’s just that I guess I wasn’t done needing you in my life. I don’t feel stronger for what I went through, not at all. I’m not stronger for losing you. You were my rock. Saying I miss you doesn’t begin to cover it. God, Dad, I miss you so much. It still hurts. You were everything to a lot of people, Dad, but especially to me. I love you Dad. 10 years. Oh, my God.