Oddities

Around this time last year, I received an email from an old friend from high school. Once upon a time we had been close, but had a falling out a couple years after high school. She had resurfaced years later around the time my dad was sick and passed away, and we have been in contact sporadically in the ten years since then, but don’t have much in common anymore. She is the collector and holder of contact info for our small graduating class, and this email came out to the masses. She was (finally) moving from her childhood home and was going to host an empty house warming for herself. I had been working on my phone so I immediately shot her an email back congratulating her and asking about her new place. We exchanged emails back and forth and she invited me to bring my kids to swim at her house for old times sake before she moved. (Her home had been the place of many epic pool parties when we were younger.) I immediately said that I would love to and threw out some dates and the next email was her backtracking that she would have to see if she could find the time if she got enough packing done she would let me know. The next email I received from her was another mass email reminder of her empty house warming party and suggestions on what to bring. I didn’t attend.
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I’ve blogged frequently about my old, closest friendship that imploded a couple of years ago. There is still a little contact between us, due to my oldest being her goddaughter, but there really isn’t a relationship there and it is incredibly strained. I think mostly because I didn’t cause it or say the hurtful things, but also because this friend has continued to try to go on as if nothing ever happened with no form or attempt at an apology, not because I’m holding on to a grudge.
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The other great friend in my life who I love so much is struggling. She is the one I wrote about who had weight loss surgery a couple years ago. Well, she is suffering from the effects of that surgery. Instead of learning how to deal with her emotional attachment to food she had the surgery, so she has never learned how to properly cope with hard things. She has been in a downward cycle of depression for a long time now, and all of the “specialist” she is seeing aren’t telling her what she needs to hear. In the 8 months or so since she has been getting treatment, she has gotten much, much worse. She didn’t use the surgery to better herself or get fit. Her outward appearance mimics what is going on inside. She is way to thin, sickly so, shows so much age, chew her nails and fingers when she used to have strong, gorgeous, natural long nail, and lost so much hair that hasn’t grown back. It’s affected her relationship with her husband. He is grasping how to help her. I had a long conversation with her daughter over the weekend and we are going to work together to get her the proper help. It breaks my heart.
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This weekend I am attending a retirement party for my very first boss in my field, who I have known since I was about 13 through my sister. (If I don’t back out, I’m a little nervous and on the fence.) It is going to be like walking back 20 years in time. There are possibly going to be parts of my past that I thought I had left long ago that I may be walking headfirst into. It is a very complicated, twisty past that has the potential to be very confrontational and explosive. I wonder how having 20 years of distance will change things. I have run in to various people from my past before and it’s usually been water under the bridge. But walking in to this party is going to be a lot like walking back in time when all the faces are going to be the same;20 years ago it was a very small, tight community of people, and everyone was involved with or related to someone else and everyone knew everyone’s business. Minus a few people who I know have passed away, it’s likely to be everyone. Since I am not on Facebook, I don’t know the extent of who is attending, I can only assume, and I’m relying on my sister for information. There is a possibility of one set of people who my running into will be quite controversial, and I do not want that to detract from the reason for the party or cause any unnecessary drama. Why do I think there will be drama 20 years later? Because about 10 years ago I ran into one of the people and all the awfulness was still there. I have a very colorful past, with a lot of secrets.
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Last week my middle daughter came home and told us how her phone had been blowing up with texts because it was “National best friends day” (first of all who is responsible for making everyday some sort of national day?? I blame zuckerberg) My husband overheard and was lamenting about how he didn’t even have a best friend anymore, and I was realizing the same thing. I was joking with him “Aww, I’m you’re best friend, Baby”. We never really refer to each other that way, so I thought I was being funny. But then last week was kind of busy and nuts and bedtimes were later and I was exhausted (it was also period week where all 3 girls in the house got our periods) and we hadn’t really spent much time together or even chatted during the day, and by Thursday I was exhausted but needed time to talk and connect. I had all these things saved up I wanted to tell him about. And I realized I missed him last week and that maybe, actually, he is my best friend after all.