New York

I have a love affair with New York City. It’s a city I have come to love so much. A city I feel so at home in, a city where I feel so much like myself in, where I feel like I belong. (I also feel that way about London, but that’s not as convenient to get to). And with the holidays approaching, I really started to miss the city, and started feeling quite sad that I would miss it this year. New York this time of year is magical. It’s unlike any other place I’ve ever been. And it is so soothing for my soul.

Actually, I will be honest here and say that mentally I’ve been struggling on the inside lately. Chicago was amazing and not a long enough trip (I’m planning to go back in March) but some small things happened (a dream where my dad came to visit me was the catalyst) and my anxiety has been really bad. And I feel antsy and uneasy in my own skin. And just very unsettled. And then I had a day where I was more manic and firing on all cylinders, and then 2 days later my period started unexpectedly and I went in a downward spiral. All in the inside. Except that I may have had a meltdown of crying on Friday that I couldn’t control or stop, and my 4 year old may have used wipes to wipe my tears, which made me cry harder. But then I got it together and went to work that night and have been ok ever since, just with anxiety sitting on the sidelines waiting to pounce.

Anyway. New York. So I realized that I had most of December with nothing planned, since I was leaving things open in case my niece graduated this semester so I could go. She’s not going to walk until May, so I had time and PTO that was now open. Discussed it with my husband (who isn’t big on traveling but doesn’t hold me back or hold it against me) and I got my girls on board for a day trip. And then, what was supposed to be a day trip turned into 2 days in the city, with tickets to see Phantom (my favorite, and their first) and the serendipitous find of an affordable hotel room on The UWS on Broadway. We are going to eat street food and Magnolia cupcakes and see a show that is my heart. And look at a giant Christmas tree in the cold and just be so damn thankful it exists in the first place.

Carpe Diem and life is short and YOLO and all of that.

But it works out because they are at the point where gift-wise there isn’t anything they need, so this will serve as an early Christmas present, and I guess now it’s just becoming our thing, New York, this city that makes me feel so me when I’m there.

****If you are feeling down this time of year, please reach out and talk to someone, or do something for yourself that’s just for you that makes you feel a bit better. You deserve to be happy. We all do.****

Weird week

Last week was such a weird one. I encountered so many people behaving in ways that were not normal, I had to wonder if I was in an alternate universe or if there was a full moon or something. (There wasn’t.)

Some odd highlights:

-My husband’s grandmother fell and required surgery. My mother-in-law sort of went wack-o about things even though she was doing the least of everyone to help out. My normally calm and level-headed husband lost his shit with her and spent a few days in such a mood that his secretary was texting me asking if he was ok. No one had ever see him get that mad and stay that way. It surprised even me. I’m guessing it brought up a lot of stuff about how his mom was while he was growing up and he was triggered. But wow.

-My best friend and I made plans 2 weeks ago to have dinner last week. The day before we were to meet she messaged me asking what time the 4 of us were meeting. 4??? Oh damn, I had forgotten that we had said the last time we went out that the next dinner date should be a double date with our husbands. But when we made plans she didn’t mention it and honestly I had forgotten. Right after our last dinner I had started making the Chicago plans and that turned into a thing where I didn’t hear from her and thought she was perhaps upset with me for still going (if she ever was mad she never said and isn’t now so not sure if that’s what it was or not) and I had spent so much time worrying if I over-stepped with the whole thing that I didn’t remember we were supposed to try and all 4 go out. So anyway, it’s the day before and of course I don’t have a sitter for dinner time on a school night. And we don’t just roll out on our kids like that and leave the older ones in charge. So I think she was disappointed about that, and I’m sure her husband was also, so I said we could reschedule if it caused issues but she said it was fine.

AND THEN at dinner. She acted like she didn’t want to be there with me. She kept her phone on her lap looking down at it the whole time, told me she had invited this other person (who I didn’t know and had never met) that she worked with but they couldn’t make it, took a bunch of selfies at the table (not something she ever does, like ever) and toward the end when we were still chatting (at least I was) abruptly got up and started walking out. I was like “oh, we’re leaving?!?!” trying to quickly gather all my things. She didn’t even wait for me, she was ahead of me the whole time and in her car before I got to mine. SO BIZARRE.

-Friday night I noticed my sister had called about 30 minutes earlier and I missed the call. I called her back and she asked me like 2 questions about Plans for the next day then abruptly got off the phone with me out of the blue with no explanation. Like, I’m not really even sure why she had called me to begin with because her questions were weird and kind of out of place. I don’t know. You called me. If you didn’t want to chat, just text me or don’t answer the phone???

I told my husband, I always feel like the sky is falling or some shit when I’M the one acting normal and even and balanced and everyone around me seems to be spinning out.

I’m currently packing for Chicago and hope that by the time I fly back into town everyone around me has righted themselves again.