Currently

Let’s see…right now I’m…

Drinking a now-cold latte from Wawa from this morning.

Listening to-the tv in the background and my little boys wrestling with my husband.

Playing a drawing game with Smoosh (7).

Answering a million non-.stop questions from my Cuddle Bud (5)

Waiting to get to take a nap before work again tonight. Currently I’ve been awake now for 24 hours straight.

Wanting to get my music playlists completed and organized. I lost so much stuff from old music accounts and phone transfers over the years and I hate general radio and anything with ads.

Excited for date night on Thursday. Half of it involves errands but we are definitely going to do something together out of the house that’s just for us too. We try to do these at least biweekly to maintain some sort of sanity and connection.

Reading…well I just finished a textbook on medical ethics for my CE credits. I have several books to choose from but my brain feels kind of fried. Trying to keep up with blogs (I don’t even follow all THAT many, and few who post regularly) and commenting has been challenging enough for me lately!

Listening to a real weird mix of all generals and eras thanks to an incomplete playlist and a free Siri’s/XM subscription. It’s actually been a really fun to dive into and it’s so amazing how our brains can remember songs we haven’t heard in decades, yet I can’t ever figure out where I put my damn keys 🤣

Working on some financial moves that will hopefully put us in a better position moving forward. Hoping everything aligns because I have big plans.

Failed at growing some plants from seedlings. It started out so promising and then everything just died. After much google I probably “over-loved” them. ~le sigh~

Wishing I didn’t have to go to work tonight, but at least it’s my last one in this series of shifts.

Dreading the full moon on Wednesday and all the weirdness and craziness that always happens.

Happy Monday?!

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Friday SoapBox

 So this comment was left on a blog I follow, and it has really irked me. Besides the fact that I consider Lollipop Goldstein a friend so the personal attack upset me, but the entire reason for the comment shows so much ignorance to what the ENTIRE WORLD has been going through. While I get that there are area that have not been hit very hard by Covid, you would have to live under a rock to not be aware of this Global Pandemic. And really, it’s like a twisted 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon game, except that now it’s nearly impossible to find someone who doesn’t know someone who has been affected by Covid in some way.

“I will never understand why this is a debate… if you choose to mask and vaccinate and you believe those things actually work, then it shouldn’t matter if someone else chooses not to mask/vaccinate because your mask/vaccine “protects” you, either they work or they don’t. I don’t understand why some people think they have the right to tell others what to do with their body. Also, let’s be real, you are an introvert who is completely happy rarely socializing or leaving their house, that’s cool, but not everyone has to live the same way. Please stop using your introverted preference to dictate other people’s freedoms/lifestyle.”

I’ve left out the name of the commenter because this isn’t to call one person out, but rather to show how that over a year in, there are still people who don’t get it.

The restrictions and mask requirements are not to infringe in anyone else’s rights, they are protection for ALL humans. Don’t I also have a right to not be exposed to illnesses (not just Covid, mind you, masks are helping keep people from getting ANY kind of illness. How many colds/stomach bugs/strep throat/etc, etc has anyone who has followed the rules had in the last year? Even if you personally haven’t worn a mask, you’ve likely not gotten sick because of the people who are wearing them. And it’s basic science that when 2 people wear a mask and social distance the rate of any type of illness transmission is reduced to almost zero.

Whether we agree or like it or not, EVERYONE has to do their part if we ever want this to be over. This isn’t an option and has nothing at all to do with rights. I don’t know why we as an American culture feel that every single mandate put in to place is a personal attack on any one or group of individuals, and I’m specifically talking about Pandemic-related mandates. It would make way more sense if these were nationwide restrictions until the collective numbers went down, but every state and even county or town has their own set of rules, making it tricky if you commute or travel.

But make no mistake. I have been working on the front lines since this whole thing started….I’ve seen the worst of the worst of this virus up close. Covid doesn’t discriminate between sex, race, age, health, or social status. In short-this is EVERYONE’S problem and responsibility as a human to try and help solve and do what we can for the greater good. And if wearing a mask feels too restrictive, then stay home. Shop online. Or maybe stop being selfish and wear the mask in honor of those who died of Covid, or because of Covid, like so many people isolated in nursing care facilities who just declined due to the isolation. Get a vaccine for those who are immune compromised or otherwise can’t receive a vaccine…for all the children under 16 who aren’t currently eligible. Wear a mask for them.

But for God’s sake stop thinking that everyone else can do the work to stop this, and the selfishness and short-sightedness that comes from this commenter’s way of thinking. Because if too many people think that way and keep naively believing it’s all about control and rights, all the vaccines given out won’t matter, we won’t hit the threshold for herd immunity. And what happens then?

***And just as a PSA…if you don’t like or agree with someone, by all means have a valid argument that makes sense, and leave the personal attacks out, it’s just so unnecessary, and doesn’t do anything to support your point. It just makes you look (and sound) like a jerk. Kindness goes a long way. If you don’t like what’s being said, you can stop reading. THAT, you have total control over.

Monday Feels

 My anxiety kicked up last night on my way to work. Having been awake the entire night, my brain is exhausted. And when my brain gets exhausted all the feels come out. So here’s what’s on my mind that’s apparently been riding under the surface and is now manifesting itself into physical signs of anxiety. (Sore joints, tendinitis acting up in a different area every day, you know, all the fun things.

My husband. And his therapy. And all the awful things he has talked about, and all the awful things he still has to talk about, a lot including me, some about the bad shit we’ve been through. Some of that stuff was hard enough for me to live through the first time…I don’t know how I am going to walk this path with him. I will, of course. I just hope it doesn’t break me in the process. Or break us.

Panic about things going back to “normal.” I don’t feel safe in a crowded grocery store, I can’t imagine going back to life as normal. And it’s still far too soon for the things some leaders are doing, like our local mayor in the beach town, who lifted the mask mandate on the freaking boardwalk, which is a super crowded, packed in situation at the pier end. It was a nightmare before Covid. Is anyone else feeling this way?

Over the past year and a half I lost a ton of weight, and am back down to highschool weight again somehow, although my body is shaped completely differently now!! So I had my annual physical and tons of labs done…and all my hormone levels were normal…!?!?…even my AMH and FSH and LH were all in normal ranges. Yet it’s been 2.5 years since my last pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, and despite no protection I haven’t gotten pregnant since. Not trying/not avoiding, not even keeping track of my cycle at all. I’ll be 43 this summer. I don’t know what to do with this information…the crazy part of me thinks oh well I still have a shot…and the rationale part of me says it’s ridiculous. Nothing fills a baby shaped hole. Nothing.

With the pandemic my youngest, who is 5 now, did not get a chance to go to preschool. And while I know he’s smart, I don’t know that’s he’s exactly ready for Kindergarten, being the baby of the family and all. I am seriously considering homeschooling him for the first half of next school year at least, to try and give him one on one attention and get him ready. I am in no way meant to be a teacher, but out of all my kids he’s the one I think would work with me best, and it’s kindergarten, so surely I can manage that. I’m just starting to look into programs, so if anyone knows a good one I would love to know.

We were away at a family event back in March, and of course there will always be drama when families get together, I know that. But once again it proved how misunderstood I am and have always been with my family, how much of the black sheep I am. My sister actually called tore me down and reamed me out for a situation I wasn’t actually a part of, and said some pretty hurtful things to me. Anymore I realize that among family, the only place I’m safe to be myself and not be judged is in my own home, with my own family. While the kids all had a great time and it could potentially be our spring break vacation spot, I feel like I don’t really want to go back anytime soon. I never confronted my sister and I don’t think I’m going to…because if she truly thinks about me how she said when she was yelling at me, I would rather not know and have confirmation. Because I feel like I know the answer. And it sucks.

If any of my blog friends want to follow me on IG, I’d love that. I’m @radmdrtr . Stop by and say hi!!

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