Life is trucking along. I have spent the last week with a house where 7 people, one by one, all got the stomach bug. It’s been truly exhausting. I haven’t had much time to dwell or think of anything other than how to rid this junk from my house and getting high on bleach fumes.
So my doctor called today with test results. Seeing as I got the blood work done almost 2 weeks ago at my hospital, I had most of the results already, but my doctor had been out of town and one of the samples had to be sent out for testing. I also had my hormone specialist look over the results as well. But the phone call from my doctor today was unexpected, as were his words “You can still have a baby if you want one”.
I’m sorry....WHAT?! So, it turns out I’m not in peri-menopause, my ovarian reserves are still ok, everything they tested on CD2 was in the normal range. What the ever-loving hell then? I don’t FEEL right. I have a lot of weird cycle issues I never had before. My sex drive has been practically non-existent. And also, all my numbers were normal for those 8 years when I couldn’t get or stay pregnant. So I am definitely not jumping up and down for joy as if a pregnancy is just a going to happen.
And also...do I want another pregnancy? I guess I have been getting my head space around the fact that I was likely at the end of my fertility, that my last baby was my last baby. Now I don’t even know what to think. If I turned up pregnant I wouldn’t be sad, but do I really want to go back to trying to make it happen? I don’t think so. This is such a mind-fuck. Everything I googled about my symptoms correlated with peri-menopause and decreased estrogen.
My hormone specialist has other ideas, some less-mainstream stuff western medicine doesn’t test for that would explain me not feeling right and cycle issues and lack of sex drive. I get that testing done in the second half of my cycle, so next week. I really just want to go back to feeling “normal” again
Wow, that is a mind fuck. I guess my only advice is to not ignore the “not feeling right” stuff. Who knows what it is, but I feel like women sometimes minimize what they are feeling. It’s great you got good test results though. That’s reassuring.
ReplyDeleteThe baby question is a conundrum for sure. In our case we tried for so long that it’s hard to wrap my head around “done,” in some ways. Part of me feels that if there’s any chance I can have another baby, it would be a waste not to! At the same time I know that’s not very rational. It would be easier in a way to be sure it was simply impossible, so I hear you on the ambiguous feelings about the tests.
I hope they can figure out what's causing the cycle issues and feeling "off" in so many ways... and HOLY HELL. That seems such an odd statement, "You can still have a baby if you want one." I agree with Torthuil, a mind fuck if you thought you were done, had accepted that you were done, and now someone is cracking open a window of "hey, still possible, wink wink!" I can see how that could get you spiraling a bit. I hope that the second half testing gets you results you can use and relief from not feeling normal!
ReplyDeleteYeah they told me I could have a baby and here I am. Proof isn't always in the tests. We know our bodies better than most other moms due to 1) your profession 2) TTC (like forever), I'd stick with your gut and seek more answers. You may have an egg reserve but who knows the quality of the eggs too. It was super hard for me to be done and get the ablation, but finally I made peace with it and moved on. Hopefully you can make your decision based off what you want for your family. ((((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteOh and the stomach bug through the whole family is a major fear of mine!! Happy to see you on the other side of the bug, don't know how you did it!
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