that’s a wrap

The last time I wrote I eluded**to the fact that we had something pretty major and stressful going on in our lives. We have been through parental illness and loss, our marriage crumbling, job loss and financial ruins, and infertility and pregnancy loss,. What we are going through right now feels right up there with all of that; a scary path I have not navigated before. The stakes feel very high...worst case scenario this puts us back in to financial ruin or close to it. I am trying not to live that scenario, though. But I am living in near constant anxiety and limbo.

This situation has forced us to go back in time...to revisit a time and place where things were at their worst for us, where we were trying to pick up the pieces, we were just trying to survive, quite literally. My PTSD has returned. I feel like my summer has been ruined. It has also forced us to reach out to people from our past as witnesses, some of whom we didn’t ever even have that close of relationships with but still infrequently talk to. Everyone has been so wonderful to us, pledging to help in any way they can, showing genuine shock and outrage at what has transpired. We aren’t a perfect family, by any means, but we try to be good church going people and teach our kids the same.

Given the outpouring of support we received from those people we didn’t even know for that long or weren’t even that close to or that would be described as more than “friendly neighbors”, it has been truly shocking the response, or lack thereof, from my former best friend. There is a possibility of a need to involve her as a witness, and I didn’t want her blindsided with legal paperwork if it comes to that, so I sent her a brief text letting her know what has transpired. She only offered an “ok” back. No concern about why this was happening or even how we were doing with all of it. Not a thing.

Now, I realize we aren’t on the best of terms. But even given that, if the roles were reversed I would most definitely have more to say that just “ok”. I don’t know. I just feel like I wouldn’t be that way to  anyone reaching out, no matter what. I mean, if someone was asking for something out of the blue, like money, I may have pause. But to not even care?? And the outcome directly affects her GODCHILD, whom she is close to. Life happens, people drift apart. But the beauty of all of that is knowing that when the chips are down you can reach out. I dunno...I guess I just thought there might be some moral support on the other side, as I have her when she was dealing with some health issues she didn’t understand. But it would appear that that is not the case, and that there really isn’t anything left there. Which makes me a little sad, because out of all the people that I have known, this is the only person where things have been so...finite.

If you are the praying sort, I could definitely use some, for a quick resolution to all of this but also for some peace of heart for me. I am finding it very hard to remain calm through all of this and still properly take care of myself and my family.

***If anyone is genuinely curious, I don’t mind sharing privately what is going on, feel free to email me or leave a comment with yours. Because of the legal nature of this, I do not want to publish details on my blog, even though I am somewhat anonymous.