Something hasn't felt right all week. I haven't felt right all week. Sure, the kids have all been home for a week straight now due to the 3.5 feet of snow we got last weekend, and I hit the 12 weeks post-pardum so my hormones are all over the map, and I am set to go back to work in a couple of days. I have been struggling all week trying to keep my emotions in check with varied success.
This time of year is always hard for me. The post-holiday let down combined with cold dark days always does a number on my moods. I have found it particularly challenging this year with a toddler and a new baby plus the older 3. I definitely am barely holding my life together most days.
A couple weeks ago my middle daughter came home very excited with a paper for the talent show tryouts at school and the fun skit her and her friends had written for it. I sat staring at the paper that night and was transported back 5 years. The day of the talent show my oldest was to be in. I had to put my beloved baby dog to sleep that day, very suddenly. I don't think I have ever cried so hard in all my life. My husband had to meet me at the vet because I just couldn't deal with it alone. That sweet little dog was a shelter rescue and the most perfect creature alive. She slept curled under my chest every night and her soft white fur held rivers of my tears over the years. We had to pick up my daughter from school, bury my dog in my mom's backyard where my father had a crucifix on the ground marking where other pets had been buried. All I wanted was to curl up in a ball in bed, but we headed out to the talent show. The next day I found out I was pregnant. I thought it was a sign or something...you know a new life replacing one that was lost, even though she wasn't human I loved her as if she were. A few weeks later that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My second one that year. Every year when the talent show comes around, I remember all over again. I wish I could forget.
Tonight I was out and happened to be checking email. In my spam folder was an email for a local bounce house place offering a discount, sent a day ago. Was it still valid? I noticed the date. My heart started racing. January 28. January 28. My mind raced and my stomach dropped. 8 years ago today my dad died. I almost forgot. How did I not notice the date all day I wondered.
When I got home I checked the calendar. There covering 3 squares was a pink post-it note. It read "January 27 Talent show practice after school from 3-4". My middle daughter being who she is knows I don't like anyone writing on my calendar but me. (My oldest is famous for writing big and taking up the entire block of space). I pulled the post it note off and there the date was on a completely blank square: 28. I backed up and leaned against the counter and stared at the date in that blank square and the tears started to fall. As much as I want to forget I force myself to remember just so I won't forget details of that day. If I forget the details I am forgetting him, and that scares me. He was the single most important person in my life to me. No one else has ever come close really. To me, he was perfect. When I lost him, I lost myself for a while. No wonder I felt the way I have felt all week.
I almost forgot. But my heart remembered. It always does, and I always want it to. Even though it hurts.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Scattered
There are so many posts in my head that I can't ever seem to find time to type out. Life is moving at record speed and I am struggling to keep up. When I finally have some time to sit down and write, I am stuck. Everything in my head seems either trivial or I can't remember what I wanted to say. So in leu of anything super introspective or meaningful, I am going to do a recap of life lately. I haven't done one of these in a while anyway.
The holiday season was wonderful, if not a little crazy and weird. I guess that's what happens when you add a newborn to the fold. I managed to get what I wanted accomplished as far as wrapping and baking. But it all get so rushed. I would love to find a way to be truly able to sit and enjoy all the little moments during my favorite time of year.
Breastfeeding really makes everything take a backseat and truly makes you slow down and literally just sit. It is truly a lesson in what's important, that's for sure, and a lesson in patience for everyone else in the house.
10,000 steps is a way harder goal to get to than I ever thought. All the sitting for feedings and playing with my toddler really makes my step-taking take a hit. I end up pacing around my houe or back deck frantically after the little ones are in bed trying to get my steps in...sometimes as many as 5 thousand! I suspect that this will be a much easier goal to reach when we aren't so confined by the cold weather in a couple months. At least I learned about how long it will take me to make up the steps, and that it's doable in a reasonable amount of time so I don't just give up for the day.
All the walking made me realize I desperately needed new tennis shoes. So I ordered my favorite brand in the usual size and I am having trouble getting them to fit and feel right. When my order comes today I will officially have the same shoe in 4 different sizes to test and see what works best. I don't really think my foot changed much because I have several shoes in my normal size by this company that still fit completely fine they are just worn out. So I don't know. But I can't have my feet uncomfortable or hurting, especially for work.
My husband and I pretty quickly worked out our issue regarding that great divide I wrote about a few weeks ago. He settled down and we got on the same page and came to a mutual understanding that We can both live with. How it actually plays out in the extended family dynamic remains to be seen, but as long as he is on my side of things, which he is, I can't really worry about the rest of it. They are our kids and our responsibility and that's teally the bottom line.
I am still on maternity leave. My doctor wouldn't clear me for work until the end 12 weeks, which is what he was saying all along, due to the nature and requirements of my job. Over the holidays it was touch and go about whether I would be paid the additional time off as it falls under disability. The actual company that handles the claims actually denied the request despite notes in my chart saying I needed the 4 additional weeks, but my employer choose to override the decision without me having to argue them or file an appeal. It's still only partial pay but at least it covers all my benefit deductions so I don't have to worry about repaying that once I return to work. I could do an entire post on the ridiculousness of the entire situation of having a baby surgically removed from ones body and having to jump through a million hoops to prove you are still recovering from the procedure.
I am at a point where I am mentally ready to go back to work, I think. I don't want to leave my baby, and I am not looking forward to all the pumping and scheduling my work day around pumping, but it's time for everyone to get back to their regular schedules. I have always worked weekends, for 16 years now. The schedule my husband and I have figured out works for our family with still leaving plenty of family time. It was novel having the entire holiday season with every weekend open, even though we didn't fit in as much extra stuff as I thought we would due to sickness and babies and everything in between. I had grand ideas of what my leave would be like, and of course it was and it wasn't. I did finally finish all the things that were on my to-do list I wanted to complete BEFORE the baby came, so that's something. But the truth is my husband and I don't work well together. We actually clash over how we approach projects, and life, really. Too much togetherness isn't great for us. And that is starting to become where we are now. So yeah. Work.
The two Ts in my house are causing all the trouble. The Toddler is a horrific sleeper (he pretty much has never been a great sleeper EVER yet, despite every damn tip and trick I have ever heard of that we have tried) so it's pretty much a crap shoot how the night is going to go. My husband has been taking the night shift with him, since I have the baby to handle. Plus the Toddler will soon be 2, so he's at THAT AGE. The Teenager is just another thing all on her own. Her own time management is causing most of the issues, along with her attitude. She has always been the kid that turns the house upside down, so that's nothing new. But now there are far too many people in the house for her antics to fly without someone losing out. So I pray, a lot more than I ever used to.
Perspective is everything. I have this coworker/"friend" (In quotes because if we were not coworkers in an environment where we needed to get along, I don't think we would be friends.) who gives off this snobby, entitled vibe, but tries so hard to hide it and act like she is not that way. One of those self-absorbed people who always has drama, but tries to disguise it by always saying "I don't really want to tak about it, but..." And almost never asks how you are doing but constantly goes on about themselves. We only text now because we ended up being cycle buddies last year when we were both doing treatments. I think she ended up being 3 days ahead of me, and we both got pregnant. But every time you talked to her it was all worst case scenario she had every single possible remote issue in the book, the entire time. To the point it got ridiculous, and almost self-fulfilling Profecy. Everything from transfer to betas to every week of pregnancy, to delivery, and now the newborn stage. EVERYTHING is harder for her "because I had to do IVF" "Us IVF patients" and "IVF babies". It is SO MUCH DRAMA. Her DAD went with her for her baby's first vaccines because it's JUST SO TERRIBLE. When, in reality, this girl has not had to go through even a bit of what other people go through, and the majority of her drama is so made up on her head. It's really sad. And exhausting. At least when I go back to work I know I will be too busy pumping to have much time for it. Saving me now is the fact that I don't have to really respond to all the crazy drama-filled texts.
Ok. Weird way to end here but laundry needs to be switched and baby is ready to eat.
How has everyone else been? Say hi in the comments and let me know what's new with you.
The holiday season was wonderful, if not a little crazy and weird. I guess that's what happens when you add a newborn to the fold. I managed to get what I wanted accomplished as far as wrapping and baking. But it all get so rushed. I would love to find a way to be truly able to sit and enjoy all the little moments during my favorite time of year.
Breastfeeding really makes everything take a backseat and truly makes you slow down and literally just sit. It is truly a lesson in what's important, that's for sure, and a lesson in patience for everyone else in the house.
10,000 steps is a way harder goal to get to than I ever thought. All the sitting for feedings and playing with my toddler really makes my step-taking take a hit. I end up pacing around my houe or back deck frantically after the little ones are in bed trying to get my steps in...sometimes as many as 5 thousand! I suspect that this will be a much easier goal to reach when we aren't so confined by the cold weather in a couple months. At least I learned about how long it will take me to make up the steps, and that it's doable in a reasonable amount of time so I don't just give up for the day.
All the walking made me realize I desperately needed new tennis shoes. So I ordered my favorite brand in the usual size and I am having trouble getting them to fit and feel right. When my order comes today I will officially have the same shoe in 4 different sizes to test and see what works best. I don't really think my foot changed much because I have several shoes in my normal size by this company that still fit completely fine they are just worn out. So I don't know. But I can't have my feet uncomfortable or hurting, especially for work.
My husband and I pretty quickly worked out our issue regarding that great divide I wrote about a few weeks ago. He settled down and we got on the same page and came to a mutual understanding that We can both live with. How it actually plays out in the extended family dynamic remains to be seen, but as long as he is on my side of things, which he is, I can't really worry about the rest of it. They are our kids and our responsibility and that's teally the bottom line.
I am still on maternity leave. My doctor wouldn't clear me for work until the end 12 weeks, which is what he was saying all along, due to the nature and requirements of my job. Over the holidays it was touch and go about whether I would be paid the additional time off as it falls under disability. The actual company that handles the claims actually denied the request despite notes in my chart saying I needed the 4 additional weeks, but my employer choose to override the decision without me having to argue them or file an appeal. It's still only partial pay but at least it covers all my benefit deductions so I don't have to worry about repaying that once I return to work. I could do an entire post on the ridiculousness of the entire situation of having a baby surgically removed from ones body and having to jump through a million hoops to prove you are still recovering from the procedure.
I am at a point where I am mentally ready to go back to work, I think. I don't want to leave my baby, and I am not looking forward to all the pumping and scheduling my work day around pumping, but it's time for everyone to get back to their regular schedules. I have always worked weekends, for 16 years now. The schedule my husband and I have figured out works for our family with still leaving plenty of family time. It was novel having the entire holiday season with every weekend open, even though we didn't fit in as much extra stuff as I thought we would due to sickness and babies and everything in between. I had grand ideas of what my leave would be like, and of course it was and it wasn't. I did finally finish all the things that were on my to-do list I wanted to complete BEFORE the baby came, so that's something. But the truth is my husband and I don't work well together. We actually clash over how we approach projects, and life, really. Too much togetherness isn't great for us. And that is starting to become where we are now. So yeah. Work.
The two Ts in my house are causing all the trouble. The Toddler is a horrific sleeper (he pretty much has never been a great sleeper EVER yet, despite every damn tip and trick I have ever heard of that we have tried) so it's pretty much a crap shoot how the night is going to go. My husband has been taking the night shift with him, since I have the baby to handle. Plus the Toddler will soon be 2, so he's at THAT AGE. The Teenager is just another thing all on her own. Her own time management is causing most of the issues, along with her attitude. She has always been the kid that turns the house upside down, so that's nothing new. But now there are far too many people in the house for her antics to fly without someone losing out. So I pray, a lot more than I ever used to.
Perspective is everything. I have this coworker/"friend" (In quotes because if we were not coworkers in an environment where we needed to get along, I don't think we would be friends.) who gives off this snobby, entitled vibe, but tries so hard to hide it and act like she is not that way. One of those self-absorbed people who always has drama, but tries to disguise it by always saying "I don't really want to tak about it, but..." And almost never asks how you are doing but constantly goes on about themselves. We only text now because we ended up being cycle buddies last year when we were both doing treatments. I think she ended up being 3 days ahead of me, and we both got pregnant. But every time you talked to her it was all worst case scenario she had every single possible remote issue in the book, the entire time. To the point it got ridiculous, and almost self-fulfilling Profecy. Everything from transfer to betas to every week of pregnancy, to delivery, and now the newborn stage. EVERYTHING is harder for her "because I had to do IVF" "Us IVF patients" and "IVF babies". It is SO MUCH DRAMA. Her DAD went with her for her baby's first vaccines because it's JUST SO TERRIBLE. When, in reality, this girl has not had to go through even a bit of what other people go through, and the majority of her drama is so made up on her head. It's really sad. And exhausting. At least when I go back to work I know I will be too busy pumping to have much time for it. Saving me now is the fact that I don't have to really respond to all the crazy drama-filled texts.
Ok. Weird way to end here but laundry needs to be switched and baby is ready to eat.
How has everyone else been? Say hi in the comments and let me know what's new with you.
Monday, January 4, 2016
MicroBlog Monday-30 Days of Change
I have recently embarked on a new challenge. NOT because it is New Years and I have made some sort of resolution, honestly that's just a coincidence. It's because I am 37, have recently had my 5th baby via my 5th C-section, the baby weight isn't coming off, and I feel generally like crap about my flabby, flubby, completely out of shape body. I feel like my body is wrecked. I don't make any time for myself because I have no time, or the bank account, to join a gym or take a class. The last pedicure I got I had a baby on my boob the entire time.
I have never been skinny. I'm Sicilian. I have a major booty, hips, thighs and boobs. Since puberty. And I am short. I have done All The Things before: Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, belonged to a gym, taken Yoga, owned every type of fitness tape out there, low carb diet, ect, ect, ect. Nothing sticks. I hate dieting. I hate working out. Any weight I did manage to ever lose came right back plus some when I went off it/stopped doing it. I love chocolate. I hate running. I never get enough sleep and I make bad choices because I am rushing around or so tired that I stop caring that I am eating leftover Chinese food at 10pm.
So I came across This Book at just the right time when the holidays (Cookies! Pies! Chocolate! Chips! Rolls!) derailed my good eating and I was feeling particularly down. I need something that helps me learn to actually fix all the bad behaviors I have picked up over the years, not do some fad diet or workout that's temporary. Make one Change a day? Build on the one change and make a new change every day for 30 days? That sounded like something I could do. It's manageable. It's based on the idea that Rome wasn't built in a day. I am familiar with the author. She seems...real. She seems sincere. The advice, the changes...it's all broken down very simply. It's not confusing to figure out what to do. It's almost like a plan for dummies, which is me. you don't have to read forever just trying to figure out exactly what you are supposed to do for the day. The first lines of every chapter are exactly what the challenge entails so you know right away what you're supposed to be doing. Then there's a little more helpful information and real-life stories after that. I only try to read a couple chapters ahead so I know what's in store so that I can prepare myself.
I want to lose weight, sure. But more than that, I want to make actual changes that will carry me throughout life. Nothing brought this home more than my teen daughter who recently lost weight. At dinner one night she was saying how she was just going to continue her exercising and eating right until she lost all the weight she wanted then she could stop. I had to explain to her that when she stopped and went back to her old ways she would gain all the weight back. She hadn't even thought about that. I know it all too well and I don't want to go back to this crappy way of taking care of myself.
The first change is to drink water. That's easy enough. The second change is to keep a food log and exchange it with friends to keep yourself honest and to see the changes you might make when someone else is reading Exactly what you are eating. If anyone reading this is interested in joining me in this adventure please comment with your email or send me an email too muchadoaboutnothingblogger@gmail.com and we can exchange food logs. I actually think having relative strangers reading my food log would be helpful because strangers shouldn't feel worried about calling me out if I've eaten half of a large pizza by myself. So if you are out there trying to get healthier and lose weight and you think this might be helpful for you please email me!! There is power, and safety, in numbers.
Since the changes build on each other and until I get to a place where the changes are second nature I am keeping a dry erase board with the challenges listed down. I've only written down the challenges through the day that I'm actually on So I don't get confused. That way throughout the day as I'm doing the changes I can put a checkmark by each thing to make sure I've done it. I have also been including my teen since she has recently gotten so into fitness and started taking walks with her to get my steps in (10,000 steps is change three) am recruited her to help me with the upcoming exercises to make sure I know how to do them (change 4). Hopefully having her motivation will help me!
I have never been skinny. I'm Sicilian. I have a major booty, hips, thighs and boobs. Since puberty. And I am short. I have done All The Things before: Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, belonged to a gym, taken Yoga, owned every type of fitness tape out there, low carb diet, ect, ect, ect. Nothing sticks. I hate dieting. I hate working out. Any weight I did manage to ever lose came right back plus some when I went off it/stopped doing it. I love chocolate. I hate running. I never get enough sleep and I make bad choices because I am rushing around or so tired that I stop caring that I am eating leftover Chinese food at 10pm.
So I came across This Book at just the right time when the holidays (Cookies! Pies! Chocolate! Chips! Rolls!) derailed my good eating and I was feeling particularly down. I need something that helps me learn to actually fix all the bad behaviors I have picked up over the years, not do some fad diet or workout that's temporary. Make one Change a day? Build on the one change and make a new change every day for 30 days? That sounded like something I could do. It's manageable. It's based on the idea that Rome wasn't built in a day. I am familiar with the author. She seems...real. She seems sincere. The advice, the changes...it's all broken down very simply. It's not confusing to figure out what to do. It's almost like a plan for dummies, which is me. you don't have to read forever just trying to figure out exactly what you are supposed to do for the day. The first lines of every chapter are exactly what the challenge entails so you know right away what you're supposed to be doing. Then there's a little more helpful information and real-life stories after that. I only try to read a couple chapters ahead so I know what's in store so that I can prepare myself.
I want to lose weight, sure. But more than that, I want to make actual changes that will carry me throughout life. Nothing brought this home more than my teen daughter who recently lost weight. At dinner one night she was saying how she was just going to continue her exercising and eating right until she lost all the weight she wanted then she could stop. I had to explain to her that when she stopped and went back to her old ways she would gain all the weight back. She hadn't even thought about that. I know it all too well and I don't want to go back to this crappy way of taking care of myself.
The first change is to drink water. That's easy enough. The second change is to keep a food log and exchange it with friends to keep yourself honest and to see the changes you might make when someone else is reading Exactly what you are eating. If anyone reading this is interested in joining me in this adventure please comment with your email or send me an email too muchadoaboutnothingblogger@gmail.com and we can exchange food logs. I actually think having relative strangers reading my food log would be helpful because strangers shouldn't feel worried about calling me out if I've eaten half of a large pizza by myself. So if you are out there trying to get healthier and lose weight and you think this might be helpful for you please email me!! There is power, and safety, in numbers.
Since the changes build on each other and until I get to a place where the changes are second nature I am keeping a dry erase board with the challenges listed down. I've only written down the challenges through the day that I'm actually on So I don't get confused. That way throughout the day as I'm doing the changes I can put a checkmark by each thing to make sure I've done it. I have also been including my teen since she has recently gotten so into fitness and started taking walks with her to get my steps in (10,000 steps is change three) am recruited her to help me with the upcoming exercises to make sure I know how to do them (change 4). Hopefully having her motivation will help me!
Monday, December 28, 2015
MicroBlog Monday:The Great Divide
There is one major issue that my husband and I do not see eye to eye on. It involves the safety and well being of our children. I thought that we had long since buried this issue nearly a decade and a half ago, but some circumstances have brought this issue into the fold again.
Totally minimizing this here, but there is a friend of someone in his family who I believe is unsafe for my children to be around. When this issue came up all those years ago, it caused great strife between us and our families (my family became involved because no one was listening to me and extending invitations to this person) and I almost got fired from my job because I was going to work so distracted and sick to my stomach about what might happen/who was coming around when I was not there.
I am by no means an alarmist or an indiscriminate hateful asshole, as many people chose to believe. I had legitimate fears that were being swept under the rug and deemed not real issues. My Dad finally listened to me one night when I was a hysterical mess over the situation and my family's inability to have my back here. He told me to always trust my gut and stay strong. Which I did, and somehow prevailed, although I can't even begin to imagine what his family truly thinks of me. But I have long since stop caring about that.
So the issue came back up because my husband told me he was taking the kids somewhere that involved this person, without ever talking to me about it first. All I wanted to do was have a discussion about this and it turned into a terrible fight, the likes of which we have not had in many years. Nothing about this person has changed over the course of the years that would need reevaluating. I wanted to give my children a choice in going (as it is not a child-friendly affair to begin with) and lay down some ground rules regarding the contact with this person moving forward. Neither of which happened, as my husband can be very "all or nothing" and thus just shouted "you win" and walked away.
What is so frustrating is that this person has no blood relation or any close relationship with my husband, so I struggle to understand why this is so important to him. His family is full of dysfunction and there have been actual blood relatives or relatives through marriage that they themselves have barred from holidays and other family functions, but I am made out to be a hateful bitch. Which I am not. If you witnessed some stranger at the playground acting creepy and touchy-feely towards children that had no connection to him, you would keep your children away, no? It's the same situation here. But no one believes me, or rather just dismisses what I saw/what I say. And no, there are no other children on my husband's side of the family other than ours.
Lots of hurtful things have been said to me about this situation. Things that should make me question myself and my position. All I keep coming back to is what if I let my guard down on this, and my gut instinct is proven right?? Then I have failed my kids, amoung other horrible things I can't even let my mind think about. If I am wrong?? Well, that would be the best case senario of course, but at the expense of my sanity over someone who has no familia connection to begin with?? That's dice I am not willing to roll.
If I "win" ( and really, there are no winners here) it's likely I will have ruined my, our kids, and my husband's relationship with his family over this. Which is insane to me. Past situations have proven that they won't react until something happens to them. I am not a reactive thinker when it comes to my children if I can help it.
There is much left to be sorted out. I have to put some pieces of my heart back together, because things that were said really were daggers and cheap shots meant to make me question myself. At least I can recognize that. It doesn't make it hurt any less. The worst was probably the threat to throw all the blame on me and hang me out to dry, instead of presenting a united front. So much I don't understand and likely never will. What I do know is that this has been the most divisive issue we have ever encountered. It was back then and it is now. I know we will survive this, but the cost will be tremendous.
Totally minimizing this here, but there is a friend of someone in his family who I believe is unsafe for my children to be around. When this issue came up all those years ago, it caused great strife between us and our families (my family became involved because no one was listening to me and extending invitations to this person) and I almost got fired from my job because I was going to work so distracted and sick to my stomach about what might happen/who was coming around when I was not there.
I am by no means an alarmist or an indiscriminate hateful asshole, as many people chose to believe. I had legitimate fears that were being swept under the rug and deemed not real issues. My Dad finally listened to me one night when I was a hysterical mess over the situation and my family's inability to have my back here. He told me to always trust my gut and stay strong. Which I did, and somehow prevailed, although I can't even begin to imagine what his family truly thinks of me. But I have long since stop caring about that.
So the issue came back up because my husband told me he was taking the kids somewhere that involved this person, without ever talking to me about it first. All I wanted to do was have a discussion about this and it turned into a terrible fight, the likes of which we have not had in many years. Nothing about this person has changed over the course of the years that would need reevaluating. I wanted to give my children a choice in going (as it is not a child-friendly affair to begin with) and lay down some ground rules regarding the contact with this person moving forward. Neither of which happened, as my husband can be very "all or nothing" and thus just shouted "you win" and walked away.
What is so frustrating is that this person has no blood relation or any close relationship with my husband, so I struggle to understand why this is so important to him. His family is full of dysfunction and there have been actual blood relatives or relatives through marriage that they themselves have barred from holidays and other family functions, but I am made out to be a hateful bitch. Which I am not. If you witnessed some stranger at the playground acting creepy and touchy-feely towards children that had no connection to him, you would keep your children away, no? It's the same situation here. But no one believes me, or rather just dismisses what I saw/what I say. And no, there are no other children on my husband's side of the family other than ours.
Lots of hurtful things have been said to me about this situation. Things that should make me question myself and my position. All I keep coming back to is what if I let my guard down on this, and my gut instinct is proven right?? Then I have failed my kids, amoung other horrible things I can't even let my mind think about. If I am wrong?? Well, that would be the best case senario of course, but at the expense of my sanity over someone who has no familia connection to begin with?? That's dice I am not willing to roll.
If I "win" ( and really, there are no winners here) it's likely I will have ruined my, our kids, and my husband's relationship with his family over this. Which is insane to me. Past situations have proven that they won't react until something happens to them. I am not a reactive thinker when it comes to my children if I can help it.
There is much left to be sorted out. I have to put some pieces of my heart back together, because things that were said really were daggers and cheap shots meant to make me question myself. At least I can recognize that. It doesn't make it hurt any less. The worst was probably the threat to throw all the blame on me and hang me out to dry, instead of presenting a united front. So much I don't understand and likely never will. What I do know is that this has been the most divisive issue we have ever encountered. It was back then and it is now. I know we will survive this, but the cost will be tremendous.
Monday, December 21, 2015
MicroBlog Monday-What's in a Name
When we left to go to the hospital to have Bonus Baby, we did not have a boy's name picked out, only a girls name, so of course he turned out to be a boy. My husband and I just could not agree on a boys name we both liked, and to be honest we didn't try very hard. I had been sending emails to myself with names I heard or read in the baby names book and liked, and a couple days before he was born we read through them again but didn't really discuss any one name in great length.
When Bonus Baby came out, he definitely had more of my genes with the very dark, olive Italian skin and full head of dark hair.(My husband's background is the pale British, so most of my kids are a good mix, but not this one!) I spent the first hours pretty drugged up so I wasn't really in a position to talk names or name a baby. At some point I sobered up a bit, and I remember telling my mom "Dad wouldn't have sent me this Italian-looking little baby from heaven without having a really good Italian name picked out for him."
When I was first writing down names I liked there was one name that really stood out to me that I loved, but my husband did not like it and shot it down months before. The only other time I had said the name other than that one time was a couple days before when I read it again in the lists of names I had picked out, but we didn't sit and talk or debate the name. So imagine my surprise when my husband comes back to the hospital with all the kids and they are calling the baby by the nickname of that name I loved. When I told them we hadn't named him yet and asked where they got that name from they said "you know, for (insert full name here), Daddy told us some names and this is what we like." So I looked at my husband and said "I thought you hated that name, you shot it down months ago...???" And he was just all nonchalant and said the name grew on him!?!? And in my drugged up state I wasn't comprehending and thinking there was a catch or some kind of set up, so I said we would talk about it when we could have a minute without all the kids and when I was less high.
Every time I looked at Bonus Baby from then on that was the only name I could see;he just looked like that name. It took us until the next night to firmly settle on his name, but we needed a middle name. My husband suggested my dad's name for his middle name, and it was settled. I filled out the paperwork pretty soon after.
A few weeks later my sister said "so you know mom found your dad's birth certificate and his name was actually -insert Bonus Baby's nickname here." And so begins a crazy story that I had never in my life heard before. The gist of it was my grandfather was drunk and when asked what he was naming my father he said after his buddies who were waiting, and drinking, at the hospital with him, the first of which is my baby's nickname. The nickname is an actual portion of the full name. So my dad has a legal completely different name. But somehow that name came around to me without ever knowing this story. I have a copy of the birth certificate now. It turns out way back then, you didn't need the birth certificate for school or drivers licenses or anything. So I guess my grandparents started calling him the actual name and never changed anything legally. So my dad had two legal names, because the name I always knew him as was on his license and college degrees and passport, and government ID and federal shield. And that name is the name Bonus Baby has for his middle name.
I truly believe my dad sent me this Italian baby and his most perfect name, there was no coincidence here. My dad is still with me every single day, and even though he isn't here on earth to know Bonus baby, I know in my heart they have already met. And his name is perfect and meant to be.
~In the interest of keeping this blog Anonymous I won't publish the name here. But if anyone would like to know, send me an email and I will gladly share! :) muchadoaboutnothingblogger@gmail.com
When Bonus Baby came out, he definitely had more of my genes with the very dark, olive Italian skin and full head of dark hair.(My husband's background is the pale British, so most of my kids are a good mix, but not this one!) I spent the first hours pretty drugged up so I wasn't really in a position to talk names or name a baby. At some point I sobered up a bit, and I remember telling my mom "Dad wouldn't have sent me this Italian-looking little baby from heaven without having a really good Italian name picked out for him."
When I was first writing down names I liked there was one name that really stood out to me that I loved, but my husband did not like it and shot it down months before. The only other time I had said the name other than that one time was a couple days before when I read it again in the lists of names I had picked out, but we didn't sit and talk or debate the name. So imagine my surprise when my husband comes back to the hospital with all the kids and they are calling the baby by the nickname of that name I loved. When I told them we hadn't named him yet and asked where they got that name from they said "you know, for (insert full name here), Daddy told us some names and this is what we like." So I looked at my husband and said "I thought you hated that name, you shot it down months ago...???" And he was just all nonchalant and said the name grew on him!?!? And in my drugged up state I wasn't comprehending and thinking there was a catch or some kind of set up, so I said we would talk about it when we could have a minute without all the kids and when I was less high.
Every time I looked at Bonus Baby from then on that was the only name I could see;he just looked like that name. It took us until the next night to firmly settle on his name, but we needed a middle name. My husband suggested my dad's name for his middle name, and it was settled. I filled out the paperwork pretty soon after.
A few weeks later my sister said "so you know mom found your dad's birth certificate and his name was actually -insert Bonus Baby's nickname here." And so begins a crazy story that I had never in my life heard before. The gist of it was my grandfather was drunk and when asked what he was naming my father he said after his buddies who were waiting, and drinking, at the hospital with him, the first of which is my baby's nickname. The nickname is an actual portion of the full name. So my dad has a legal completely different name. But somehow that name came around to me without ever knowing this story. I have a copy of the birth certificate now. It turns out way back then, you didn't need the birth certificate for school or drivers licenses or anything. So I guess my grandparents started calling him the actual name and never changed anything legally. So my dad had two legal names, because the name I always knew him as was on his license and college degrees and passport, and government ID and federal shield. And that name is the name Bonus Baby has for his middle name.
I truly believe my dad sent me this Italian baby and his most perfect name, there was no coincidence here. My dad is still with me every single day, and even though he isn't here on earth to know Bonus baby, I know in my heart they have already met. And his name is perfect and meant to be.
~In the interest of keeping this blog Anonymous I won't publish the name here. But if anyone would like to know, send me an email and I will gladly share! :) muchadoaboutnothingblogger@gmail.com
Friday, December 11, 2015
Getting Real- an M.I.A. Update
Oh boy, Guys. Has it ever been crazy around here! Not just the run of the mill holiday stuff, but seriously my life has felt so out of control with nearly everything. Where do I even start?? I guess at the beginning...which is about a few days after bringing Bonus Baby home.
I wasn't even out of the hospital a week before I came down with a nasty head cold. So on top of trying to recover from major surgery and take care of 5 kids, I felt like absolute crap. Everything I could take had the potential of drying up breastmilk, and at 2ish weeks postpartum I didn't want to take the chance of messing up my supply. It took me nearly 2 weeks to totally kick that crap...only to be well for a couple days and catch yet another cold. This one started out horrible but got better by day 5. A couple days after that was over, I picked up a GI bug...no vomiting but I couldn't eat anything without spending the next hour in the bathroom. I guess my body was just over-stressed and unable to fight off anything, because no one else in my family was really getting sick. Except the toddler, but I will get to that.
In the middle of all my illnesses, my life felt completely out of control. Between all the breastfeeding, housework, my toddler, and older kids I couldn't get a handle on anything. Bonus Baby...oh he is easy compared to everything else. I can do babies all day long. But man!! I felt like crap, so I was pretty cranky from that. Hubby and I were bickering more than normal because everything was stressing me out. The 2 kids in the middle, especially my sweet 9 year old boy, started taking advantage of the situation and doing things he knew was wrong...like not turning in his iPod on Sunday nights and then sneaking and staying up late playing on it all night. I figured it out when he was falling asleep on the way home from school. Stealing and hiding then binging on the Halloween Candy. And lying about it when asked or caught. Oh, my boy. It's been things like that. My teenager has decided she doesn't want to be here much, to which I take no offense because she's 15 and it's sort of like Romper Room around here. But she also has been making wildly concocted plans and then telling us about it and needing us to chauffeur her all around town at ridiculous hours. And my toddler. Well, he is 22 months.
21 month age gap is awful. 15 months was so much easier. He is just old enough to truly notice and be affected by the change in the household. And to really be vocal when things don't go his way. Someone is always losing out, it seems. I either have to put the baby down to cry and deal with the toddler, or the toddler is screaming because I can't get to whatever he wants/needs fast enough because I am nursing a baby, or I have to leave his side to go get the baby. He is a later talker so he doesn't have a ton of words yet, and he has regressed some since the baby came along so the words he does have he refuses to use. So there has been a LOT of whining and crying and screaming and fit-throwing. And a huge test of patience. And I admit I haven't always been at my best during this. I am working on it.
My older kids have been frustrated with the toddler, too. And so it has served as a good reminder to me, too when I have had to stop them from getting mad at him to say "Guys, be gentle. Remember that he is not even 2 yet". Toddler Baby is also used to playing with older kids, and he's a boy. So he is a roughneck. Everything in his hands has to be banged against something or thrown across the room or down the stairs. We have lost a lot of Christmas ornaments that way this year. We are working on it. But like my other kids at this age, he finds the 3 stooges type routines funny. He also occasionally get so wound up rough housing that he bites. It almost comical to see older kids come running crying that the toddler bit them.
Laundry. It is just never ending. Combine the usual with the fact that my 9 year old (who has never been dry all night on a consistent basis and who doctors reassure me it will eventually stop) has peed his bed every single night this week...I am just done with that. He stopped wearing night time pull-ups or whatever long ago because he would just take them off. He goes for stretches where he is dry, but this week it's been bad. I try not to make a big deal about it cause it already bothers him. Another test of patience.
My animals have been driving me crazy. You can't say the word "outside" without them running around the house like mad and scratching on the sliding glass door. If I even walk in that direction they start going nuts that they are going outside. But then they bark and act stupid so it's a constant in and out all damn day. And my cat!! She started peeing all over the carpet downstairs, which is the playroom. Cat pee is so strong. Nothing is wrong with her other than she is "stressed out". My God. My new baby has stressed out my CAT. Are you kidding me?!?! After spending a small fortune on enzyme cleaners and spray to create a "no marking" zone, I got fed up. One morning I found 5 spots of pee. I caught her and put her out of the house. At night. In the cold. Not for more than a couple hours. She didn't even go far. But she has not done it since. I was ready to take her to the shelter because I do not have time to deal with this every single day. And we tried every trick we could find to stop her from peeing. But my husband who claims he can't stand all the pets just couldn't bring himself to take her. I am obviously not a cat person, but the dogs are my furry children.
For the past week my toddler has had Hand,Foot,Mouth virus and his mouth is full of sores from it. My other kids never got this particular symptom when they had it, so this was all new. He ran a terrible fever for several days, so that in and of itself made him miserable. But he was also hungry on top of it and everything he tried hurt and he didn't understand why. So for 3 straight days it was all day long crying. Toddler because he was hurt and hungry and feeling bad, baby because he kept having to be put down in between everything, and me because days of nonstop crying when you are 5 weeks postpartum is hard! And I felt so helpless. Nothing I could do was making Toddler Boy feel any better. Not even ice cream and milkshakes and cold milk and Popsicles. Finally mashed potatoes last night worked. Yesterday he was feeing a little better. The kids got out of school early so we stopped at Subway. Toddler Guy loves subway. He was so hungry and excited when he saw the bag in the car, climbed right up at the table to eat, and started crying from the first bite. He was so mad he crumbled his chocolate chip cookie and threw it on the floor. And he has been banging his head on things a lot because it helps him deal with the pain in his mouth. It was the saddest thing ever. Just broke my heart.
My days have otherwise just been insane. They almost never nap at the same time. So once I get one settled, I move on to the next one. I feel accomplished if I can manage to empty the dishwasher and get it reloaded. Showers between the hours of 7am and 3pm are an optional luxury. If I am going somewhere and need to shower, I usually swaddle the baby and jump in. Toddler Boy stands crying at the bathroom door for the 10ish minutes it takes me. I haven't shaved my legs since before I had the baby. I figure it's winter and I am still off and on bleeding so what's the point? Things are slowly getting more manageable, but it's a process. I think if I hadn't been dealing with so many illnesses, mainly my own, I would be further along than I am. I have a stack of weekly magazines I read that go back about 8 weeks by now. I haven't touched them. It took me over a year to get caught up after the last baby. I will eventually read them in order. I don't ever get to talk to anyone. If I was a bad friend before...I may as well not exist now.
I have been simultaneously planning my son's 10th birthday party and the class Christmas party. Both should be easy, right? Well...haha. Not only does my son need a snack for school to share to celebrate, he needs a cake or something for his friend party and then one for the family dinner on his actual birthday. And I am the queen of homemade. So there's that. And the fact that the class party we use the class money, which is supposed to be easy to access. But someone new is handling that this year, and I have jumped through I don't even know how many hoops and still don't have the money. So that's super annoying. Especially because I have done this before and know it doesn't have to be such a production and made to be so difficult. The original point of the class money was to make it easy for parents who volunteer to plan the parties. I have the ideas down I just have to finish shopping for both parties and carve out time to do some baking of treats.
Speaking of baking...so every Christmas I am the cookie maker. For our families and for my husband to take to work. They also fill in as gifts. I usually make the dough and freeze it and then spend one day just baking. I finally managed to get 2 kinds of dough made. One more to go for this year, I am cutting back how many kinds I make. It doesn't take long to actually make the dough, it's just getting the time when I have an extra hand if someone starts crying or needs to eat or whatever. So it means that during the day is usually out because I never have any stretch of time where someone isn't needing something. On top of the baking there is the 2-3 batches of homemade jam I need to make for gifts for my husband's office. If I left it up to him he would do exactly nothing. But his is a small company with a semi-close office staff who insist on exchanging gifts. Hell, even his holiday party is deemed mandatory, and it is not even during work hours! Each batch take about an hour. But that is something you have to stand right by, there is no walking away from it. So again, that is an evening thing. Or weekend. So my time is already limited. And yes, I have tried to find ways to cut corners but these are 2 things I can't not do.
As for Bonus Baby...he is so soft and squishy and cuddly. I call him my little toaster because he's so warm and snuggly. I am getting a good amount of sleep because I co-sleep. Well...because of having a C-section it was more comfortable to sleep propped up. So I have been sleeping in the over-sized rocking recliner in my room with the baby and my breast friend nursing pillow. It's a fabulous set up, and I probably get more sleep this way than I would otherwise. He mostly sleeps in my arms and roots around every few hours for some milk. It's pretty fabulous.
My recovery is going as to be expected. I have been living on Motrin and was still just a little sore until a few days ago. I must have overdone it or it all caught up with me because I am way more sore now than I had been. I am supposed to go back to work in a few weeks but I have my 6-week check up next week so I am going to try and finagle a few more weeks of leave if I can get it approved to be paid. We will see. Physically I feel like I could use it.
So in order to gain a feeling of control over my life now that I am feeling better from all the illnesses I had, I was really upset with myself that I had been living just to survive the day. I wasn't miserable or ungrateful for this life, but I was in survival mode. Here it is my very favorite time of year, and I couldn't wait for each day to end. So I made a huge mental note to change that thinking. I started praying more for grace and patience and strength to do this. I took a deep breath...or 10. And I woke up feeling better. I sat down with the kids and went over what was expected and wouldn't be tolerated. I highlighted all the fun festive things we could do as a family if everyone cooperated and helped each other more. My biggest complainer, the teenager, has been vocal about us not doing the holiday stuff like watching movies together, but is the first one trying to never be at home. I addressed that. I laid out a game plan of things we were going to do.
I have also been trying to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather and get outside more. It was hard those first couple weeks home because it got so cold and that sucks with a newborn. But now that it's warmed up, it's been good to get out and get fresh air and just move. Yesterday I scoped out a great hill for sledding that is in walking distance when it's time. I also realized that I feel better when I have somewhere to go, no matter where it is or what it's for. When I don't have to leave the house all day, like last week when my husband was able to pick up the kids from school, I just felt more moody and out of sorts. I feel much better about life when I feel I am being productive, even if it's just stopping at the grocery store. Which I try not to do with my toddler. He is definitely not my easiest child by a long stretch.
I have been trying to write this blog all day. I have stopped and picked it back up a million times. So I apologize if this is all over the place. I have also been reading all of your blogs, even though I haven't managed to comment...Mel, Misty, Amanda, Jess, and all the rest of you. I'm still here reading and silently supporting you!
One last thing for now...I just want to say that I am happy. My life is crazy by design. And yes, it's been hard. And I haven't been the best me all of the time these past 5 weeks. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I never expected it to be easy. This post isn't to complain...it's just to be real about how my life has been.
I wasn't even out of the hospital a week before I came down with a nasty head cold. So on top of trying to recover from major surgery and take care of 5 kids, I felt like absolute crap. Everything I could take had the potential of drying up breastmilk, and at 2ish weeks postpartum I didn't want to take the chance of messing up my supply. It took me nearly 2 weeks to totally kick that crap...only to be well for a couple days and catch yet another cold. This one started out horrible but got better by day 5. A couple days after that was over, I picked up a GI bug...no vomiting but I couldn't eat anything without spending the next hour in the bathroom. I guess my body was just over-stressed and unable to fight off anything, because no one else in my family was really getting sick. Except the toddler, but I will get to that.
In the middle of all my illnesses, my life felt completely out of control. Between all the breastfeeding, housework, my toddler, and older kids I couldn't get a handle on anything. Bonus Baby...oh he is easy compared to everything else. I can do babies all day long. But man!! I felt like crap, so I was pretty cranky from that. Hubby and I were bickering more than normal because everything was stressing me out. The 2 kids in the middle, especially my sweet 9 year old boy, started taking advantage of the situation and doing things he knew was wrong...like not turning in his iPod on Sunday nights and then sneaking and staying up late playing on it all night. I figured it out when he was falling asleep on the way home from school. Stealing and hiding then binging on the Halloween Candy. And lying about it when asked or caught. Oh, my boy. It's been things like that. My teenager has decided she doesn't want to be here much, to which I take no offense because she's 15 and it's sort of like Romper Room around here. But she also has been making wildly concocted plans and then telling us about it and needing us to chauffeur her all around town at ridiculous hours. And my toddler. Well, he is 22 months.
21 month age gap is awful. 15 months was so much easier. He is just old enough to truly notice and be affected by the change in the household. And to really be vocal when things don't go his way. Someone is always losing out, it seems. I either have to put the baby down to cry and deal with the toddler, or the toddler is screaming because I can't get to whatever he wants/needs fast enough because I am nursing a baby, or I have to leave his side to go get the baby. He is a later talker so he doesn't have a ton of words yet, and he has regressed some since the baby came along so the words he does have he refuses to use. So there has been a LOT of whining and crying and screaming and fit-throwing. And a huge test of patience. And I admit I haven't always been at my best during this. I am working on it.
My older kids have been frustrated with the toddler, too. And so it has served as a good reminder to me, too when I have had to stop them from getting mad at him to say "Guys, be gentle. Remember that he is not even 2 yet". Toddler Baby is also used to playing with older kids, and he's a boy. So he is a roughneck. Everything in his hands has to be banged against something or thrown across the room or down the stairs. We have lost a lot of Christmas ornaments that way this year. We are working on it. But like my other kids at this age, he finds the 3 stooges type routines funny. He also occasionally get so wound up rough housing that he bites. It almost comical to see older kids come running crying that the toddler bit them.
Laundry. It is just never ending. Combine the usual with the fact that my 9 year old (who has never been dry all night on a consistent basis and who doctors reassure me it will eventually stop) has peed his bed every single night this week...I am just done with that. He stopped wearing night time pull-ups or whatever long ago because he would just take them off. He goes for stretches where he is dry, but this week it's been bad. I try not to make a big deal about it cause it already bothers him. Another test of patience.
My animals have been driving me crazy. You can't say the word "outside" without them running around the house like mad and scratching on the sliding glass door. If I even walk in that direction they start going nuts that they are going outside. But then they bark and act stupid so it's a constant in and out all damn day. And my cat!! She started peeing all over the carpet downstairs, which is the playroom. Cat pee is so strong. Nothing is wrong with her other than she is "stressed out". My God. My new baby has stressed out my CAT. Are you kidding me?!?! After spending a small fortune on enzyme cleaners and spray to create a "no marking" zone, I got fed up. One morning I found 5 spots of pee. I caught her and put her out of the house. At night. In the cold. Not for more than a couple hours. She didn't even go far. But she has not done it since. I was ready to take her to the shelter because I do not have time to deal with this every single day. And we tried every trick we could find to stop her from peeing. But my husband who claims he can't stand all the pets just couldn't bring himself to take her. I am obviously not a cat person, but the dogs are my furry children.
For the past week my toddler has had Hand,Foot,Mouth virus and his mouth is full of sores from it. My other kids never got this particular symptom when they had it, so this was all new. He ran a terrible fever for several days, so that in and of itself made him miserable. But he was also hungry on top of it and everything he tried hurt and he didn't understand why. So for 3 straight days it was all day long crying. Toddler because he was hurt and hungry and feeling bad, baby because he kept having to be put down in between everything, and me because days of nonstop crying when you are 5 weeks postpartum is hard! And I felt so helpless. Nothing I could do was making Toddler Boy feel any better. Not even ice cream and milkshakes and cold milk and Popsicles. Finally mashed potatoes last night worked. Yesterday he was feeing a little better. The kids got out of school early so we stopped at Subway. Toddler Guy loves subway. He was so hungry and excited when he saw the bag in the car, climbed right up at the table to eat, and started crying from the first bite. He was so mad he crumbled his chocolate chip cookie and threw it on the floor. And he has been banging his head on things a lot because it helps him deal with the pain in his mouth. It was the saddest thing ever. Just broke my heart.
My days have otherwise just been insane. They almost never nap at the same time. So once I get one settled, I move on to the next one. I feel accomplished if I can manage to empty the dishwasher and get it reloaded. Showers between the hours of 7am and 3pm are an optional luxury. If I am going somewhere and need to shower, I usually swaddle the baby and jump in. Toddler Boy stands crying at the bathroom door for the 10ish minutes it takes me. I haven't shaved my legs since before I had the baby. I figure it's winter and I am still off and on bleeding so what's the point? Things are slowly getting more manageable, but it's a process. I think if I hadn't been dealing with so many illnesses, mainly my own, I would be further along than I am. I have a stack of weekly magazines I read that go back about 8 weeks by now. I haven't touched them. It took me over a year to get caught up after the last baby. I will eventually read them in order. I don't ever get to talk to anyone. If I was a bad friend before...I may as well not exist now.
I have been simultaneously planning my son's 10th birthday party and the class Christmas party. Both should be easy, right? Well...haha. Not only does my son need a snack for school to share to celebrate, he needs a cake or something for his friend party and then one for the family dinner on his actual birthday. And I am the queen of homemade. So there's that. And the fact that the class party we use the class money, which is supposed to be easy to access. But someone new is handling that this year, and I have jumped through I don't even know how many hoops and still don't have the money. So that's super annoying. Especially because I have done this before and know it doesn't have to be such a production and made to be so difficult. The original point of the class money was to make it easy for parents who volunteer to plan the parties. I have the ideas down I just have to finish shopping for both parties and carve out time to do some baking of treats.
Speaking of baking...so every Christmas I am the cookie maker. For our families and for my husband to take to work. They also fill in as gifts. I usually make the dough and freeze it and then spend one day just baking. I finally managed to get 2 kinds of dough made. One more to go for this year, I am cutting back how many kinds I make. It doesn't take long to actually make the dough, it's just getting the time when I have an extra hand if someone starts crying or needs to eat or whatever. So it means that during the day is usually out because I never have any stretch of time where someone isn't needing something. On top of the baking there is the 2-3 batches of homemade jam I need to make for gifts for my husband's office. If I left it up to him he would do exactly nothing. But his is a small company with a semi-close office staff who insist on exchanging gifts. Hell, even his holiday party is deemed mandatory, and it is not even during work hours! Each batch take about an hour. But that is something you have to stand right by, there is no walking away from it. So again, that is an evening thing. Or weekend. So my time is already limited. And yes, I have tried to find ways to cut corners but these are 2 things I can't not do.
As for Bonus Baby...he is so soft and squishy and cuddly. I call him my little toaster because he's so warm and snuggly. I am getting a good amount of sleep because I co-sleep. Well...because of having a C-section it was more comfortable to sleep propped up. So I have been sleeping in the over-sized rocking recliner in my room with the baby and my breast friend nursing pillow. It's a fabulous set up, and I probably get more sleep this way than I would otherwise. He mostly sleeps in my arms and roots around every few hours for some milk. It's pretty fabulous.
My recovery is going as to be expected. I have been living on Motrin and was still just a little sore until a few days ago. I must have overdone it or it all caught up with me because I am way more sore now than I had been. I am supposed to go back to work in a few weeks but I have my 6-week check up next week so I am going to try and finagle a few more weeks of leave if I can get it approved to be paid. We will see. Physically I feel like I could use it.
So in order to gain a feeling of control over my life now that I am feeling better from all the illnesses I had, I was really upset with myself that I had been living just to survive the day. I wasn't miserable or ungrateful for this life, but I was in survival mode. Here it is my very favorite time of year, and I couldn't wait for each day to end. So I made a huge mental note to change that thinking. I started praying more for grace and patience and strength to do this. I took a deep breath...or 10. And I woke up feeling better. I sat down with the kids and went over what was expected and wouldn't be tolerated. I highlighted all the fun festive things we could do as a family if everyone cooperated and helped each other more. My biggest complainer, the teenager, has been vocal about us not doing the holiday stuff like watching movies together, but is the first one trying to never be at home. I addressed that. I laid out a game plan of things we were going to do.
I have also been trying to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather and get outside more. It was hard those first couple weeks home because it got so cold and that sucks with a newborn. But now that it's warmed up, it's been good to get out and get fresh air and just move. Yesterday I scoped out a great hill for sledding that is in walking distance when it's time. I also realized that I feel better when I have somewhere to go, no matter where it is or what it's for. When I don't have to leave the house all day, like last week when my husband was able to pick up the kids from school, I just felt more moody and out of sorts. I feel much better about life when I feel I am being productive, even if it's just stopping at the grocery store. Which I try not to do with my toddler. He is definitely not my easiest child by a long stretch.
I have been trying to write this blog all day. I have stopped and picked it back up a million times. So I apologize if this is all over the place. I have also been reading all of your blogs, even though I haven't managed to comment...Mel, Misty, Amanda, Jess, and all the rest of you. I'm still here reading and silently supporting you!
One last thing for now...I just want to say that I am happy. My life is crazy by design. And yes, it's been hard. And I haven't been the best me all of the time these past 5 weeks. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I never expected it to be easy. This post isn't to complain...it's just to be real about how my life has been.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Thanksgiving and Black Friday
This is my favorite time of year...the fall leading into Thanksgiving and Christmas. I thought after my Dad passed away that I would dread the holidays, but because it's the one time of year I get spend with my sister and her family, I long for Thanksgiving week to come. She is usually in town by Tuesday the week of Thanksgiving and I soak up as much togetherness as possible during those days, even if we are all just lounging around watching the endless stream of bad lifetime Christmas movies that start playing. We also get out Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. We always get a real tree, but this year I am super excited this year because we are actually getting a tree you can replant. I want to fill the perimeter of my yard with Christmas trees.
in between the days of awesome food we somehow started a new tradition of Black Friday Shopping. I was never into it at all, but my sister always went out in the madness. Usually on a few separate trips spaced out through the day. One year I took all the younger kids to the movies, which was just insane. Sometimes I would going her later in the day but I never actually bought anything. Except the one year I managed to completely run out of diapers and laundry detergent and found my dumb self at Target.
The past few years we have gone out and I actually shopped for things, although it was all very specific. The one store I like to buy my jeans from had a ridiculously awesome sale, and then as I have previously written about the pay 2 years we have gone and gotten TVs. I was joking with my sister this year about who needed a new TV when we decided no one and we weren't doing that again. And then the sale paper came out, and one of the major gifts Santa is bringing my kids for Christmas is on major sale, like half price. Normally I would weigh the hassle vs how much I would actually save, but this is the one big thing, so it's not like I would be saving $20...it's much more than that. God Bless my sister because she agreed to go with me after Thanksgiving dinner. In all I found 5 things on my shopping list that I am going to try and pick up, and then I am out the door. If it were any other year and I wasn't on a reduced pay leave it wouldn't be such a big deal, but if successful this will make my holiday shopping less tight. Normally I would have done my shopping early, and intended to when I was still working, but I had a feeling I would be able to save some money if I waited until Black Friday. One thing I hate is buying something I could wait to get and then having it go on sale.
There is a chance I might be able to order everything online;the ad mentions the deals will also be online. But sometimes the in-store prices are lower, so I will just have to wait and see. If I an order online it will be so helpful, I much prefer online shopping anyway.
And let me just say that I am not completely crazy..I would NEVER in a million years go to a mall for Black Friday. I don't do the mall anyway ever. There are about 4 specific stores I have ever gone to. Because one particular store is close by and we have enough people where someone can drop us off/pick us up and we can go after we eat Thanksgiving dinner is the only reason this is even somewhat doable for me. Otherwise I would never attempt this at all.
So is anyone else planning to go out shopping? What are you shopping for or what have you found that's a really great price?
in between the days of awesome food we somehow started a new tradition of Black Friday Shopping. I was never into it at all, but my sister always went out in the madness. Usually on a few separate trips spaced out through the day. One year I took all the younger kids to the movies, which was just insane. Sometimes I would going her later in the day but I never actually bought anything. Except the one year I managed to completely run out of diapers and laundry detergent and found my dumb self at Target.
The past few years we have gone out and I actually shopped for things, although it was all very specific. The one store I like to buy my jeans from had a ridiculously awesome sale, and then as I have previously written about the pay 2 years we have gone and gotten TVs. I was joking with my sister this year about who needed a new TV when we decided no one and we weren't doing that again. And then the sale paper came out, and one of the major gifts Santa is bringing my kids for Christmas is on major sale, like half price. Normally I would weigh the hassle vs how much I would actually save, but this is the one big thing, so it's not like I would be saving $20...it's much more than that. God Bless my sister because she agreed to go with me after Thanksgiving dinner. In all I found 5 things on my shopping list that I am going to try and pick up, and then I am out the door. If it were any other year and I wasn't on a reduced pay leave it wouldn't be such a big deal, but if successful this will make my holiday shopping less tight. Normally I would have done my shopping early, and intended to when I was still working, but I had a feeling I would be able to save some money if I waited until Black Friday. One thing I hate is buying something I could wait to get and then having it go on sale.
There is a chance I might be able to order everything online;the ad mentions the deals will also be online. But sometimes the in-store prices are lower, so I will just have to wait and see. If I an order online it will be so helpful, I much prefer online shopping anyway.
And let me just say that I am not completely crazy..I would NEVER in a million years go to a mall for Black Friday. I don't do the mall anyway ever. There are about 4 specific stores I have ever gone to. Because one particular store is close by and we have enough people where someone can drop us off/pick us up and we can go after we eat Thanksgiving dinner is the only reason this is even somewhat doable for me. Otherwise I would never attempt this at all.
So is anyone else planning to go out shopping? What are you shopping for or what have you found that's a really great price?
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