About Me

I am an insane human being. I have been a wife for 15 plus years, and a mom for almost as long. I had 3 children early on...then struggled with life and IF and loss for 8 years. Thought our family was complete, so I compensated by adopting all the shelter pets. Then we were surprised that our luck changed. Our running total is Parents: 2, Kids: 5, Pets:4. My life is far from perfect, and much of our happiness was hard fought and won, from the death of a parent, job loss and marriage troubles, miscarriage and IF, we have been through it all, and dare I say we made it, with a lot of love and laughter, and not taking ourselves too seriously.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

A Whole lot of Rambling Going On

Please excuse the rambling nature of the post. I have had very little sleep the past couple of days. Everything is fine...but yeah.

Tuesday I had my OB appointment. All was good, it was the Norma 36 week check-up. Sometime later that evening, the baby shifted to my right side and I had the worst Sciatic pain radiating down my leg. I didn't sleep much that night at all. As usual, when I don't sleep hardly at all, the baby was very sluggish most of yesterday but still moving so I wasn't worried. But definitely a decrease from the day before. By the time I went to try and sleep, the baby wouldn't move. And the baby ALWAYS moves when I lay down for bed. So I spent 2 hours doing everything under the sun to convince baby to move, to no avail. I guzzled tons of water. I finally headed to L&D at midnight. To be put on the monitor and the baby immediately started rolling around and kicking me like crazy. Little brat. So cue another night of not much sleep. This morning the baby is making up for it and going crazy in there. A sign of things to come from this one, perhaps?

Last time I wrote, I talked about how sick I had been with a stomach flu. Well, turns out it actually is my gallbladder, which is full of stones. So much makes sense now. When I went to work Sunday I asked got the ultrasound tech to scan me really quickly to check my gallbladder, and boom there they were. I haven't been sick since, so for now I am just getting the name of a good doctor to have handy and pray that it doesn't become an issue until I can at least recover from the C-section. There is a small chance it will resolve on its own after pregnancy, and I am hoping that is the case. Or at least that I can be someone who can live with the stones with little problems, which is possible when the stones are small, which they are. Thinking back, I think I have likey had issues since my last pregnancy, because I had several similar episodes where I have been the only one in the house that got sick. So maybe I will get lucky.

Baby boy is officially in the toddler tantrum phase. It is really interesting to see the other kids reactions to it. I am teaching them how to ignore it and how to keep him safe when he starts flailing about. The biggest trigger for him is the word "no". When he hears it he gets so angry. So we are working on diversion tactics when he wants to get into things that could get him hurt or aren't for him. I forgot just how frustrating this time could be!

I feel like I have wrote about this ad naseum but that friendship of mine that was struggling...well, I pulled back a bit in order to let things sort of cool down while emotions are high. And I thought it was actually helping. Although for all of the things that I apparently "do wrong" such as not responding to text messages as in depth as I could and my lack of availability (things she has said to me) she is quite guilty of them as well. At any rate, I was making more of an effort to text and talk and ask how things are and we have talked as recently as Sunday. But then last night I get an out of the blue text asking if I am free today, which I am not. I told her about plans I previously had, and put the phone down to handle a kid issue. I was about to text back that I only had one weekend left of work and that after that we could plan to do something, but before I had a chance a nasty text pops up and it is her lashing out and saying "I deserve better after all these years". So yeah. I was at a loss. Because I didn't expect her to get mad I had plans the night before she apparently had a vacation day I didn't even know about. There were a million things I wanted to say back, but I didn't. I just said "I am sorry you fee that way." I guess what I am able to offer right now isn't enough for her. It makes me sad, but what can I really do??

I have been working on mending my relationship with my mom, as much as I can. Having some breathing space between the incident and concentrating on my family has helped. It doesn't mean I have forgotten what happened, but I have let it go some, enough to allow us to have an unspoken truce. I still feel incredibly guarded, because I am sure the same issues will come up again. It is almost inevitable that will happen. But I can't focus on that because it just drags me into a big dark hole I don't have time to be in. She is the only mom I have got, so I have to find a way to have a relationship with her we can both live with.

So glad to have my last 2 shifts at work coming up. I feel like once I am done with those, I can breathe a bit easier and really try and relax and finish up the last couple lingering things I have around the house. Today I am feeling very anxious. Probably from the lack of sleep.

Last weekend we did our local farm trips. The pumpkin patch was on Saturday and it was FREEZING!! Seriously the elevation at that farm combined with the cloudy sky and wind, it was crazy cold. No one who came out expected it to feel like that, you could tell because no one was dressed for the cold. It was a little comical actually. We decided to go back in 2 weeks to do our hayride and get our annual family picture when hopefully it is sunny and a tad bit warmer!


1 comment:

  1. We skipped the patch last weekend because it was so cold and now we're going this Sunday instead... and now it's supposed to rain. Of course today is sunny and gorgeous. Man, I love working. SO FUN.

    ReplyDelete