HE's Here!!

Bonus Baby Boy is one week old already! Everything regarding his delivery and hospital stay was completely flawless. He's perfect and thriving, breast feeding is going smoothly, although he started out as a lazy nurser and I worked hard in the hospital to make sure we came home with no feeding issues, and he is proving to be a pretty chill and easy baby so far. I feel so beyond lucky. There is so much I want to say but I really have no brain power to write a post that does any of this justice.

Transitioning home after 4.5 days away has been a challenge. Toddler Baby Boy had a super hard time with my absence, as he had grandmothers caring for him and it's just not the same. So I have some mommy guilt going on. The first day home was really hard on my heart, but it's getting better. Today is the first day it's just me and the little guys, and it is nice to get back to some semblance of normal. It is definitely helping toddler baby boy, for sure, to realize mommy is back and everything is ok in his little world. He is very unsure of the baby and cries when baby cries as if it scares him. I am not pushing and letting him slowly warm up to him. He is just old enough at 21 months to make this a harder transition then when I had a 15 month old and a new baby a decade ago.

So we are all adjusting. Physically I am doing ok but I am pushing myself, but I really have no choice. I haven't had anything stronger than Motrin since I left the hospital. Not that I couldn't use it, but I can't afford to be doped up, either. I go for my post-op visit later today and I am sure I will hear about it from my doctor but he also knows me well enough to expect this.

Then there is that whole business of "are we done" having kids people have been asking me for months. After going through 8 years of IF, I am not so inclined to want to prevent anything and to rather let nature take its course. I still feel like I have it in me to have another child, as crazy as that may seem. I know how blessed and lucky I am. And I don't take for granted the fact that I got to do this as many times as I have, despite not being able to for so many years in between. I prayed on it before, and I will continue to pray and let God lead me. There was a reason He made me wait 8 years. I am going to continue to trust in Him.

On another note, I can't wait for my hormones to regulate some. I alternate between freezing cold and breaking out sweating all day long, and all night, too. Right now I am ice cold but my house is holding steady at 70 degrees.