Where I've Been

Hello Friends! I truly didn't mean to be gone for so long. Shortly after my last post, I went through something I had a hard time dealing with, and I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it. I still can't really. The glossed-over version is that I lost nearly all my breastmilk and my baby wasn't getting enough to eat, and it was a really dark time for me personally. The baby is fine, I worked hard and got my milk back, and maybe one day I will feel brave enough to write the ugly version in case it helps anyone else. But suffice it to say, it was one of those things where my body let me down and it brought up lots of feelings of inadequacy regarding IF and loss.

So the best place to start here is to just update on my life and hopefully get back to regular posting here soon! Let's start with me. I'm doing well. Trying to lose baby weight. Did the 21 day fix a while back and did well, then fell apart. Because I crave Carbs to keep me going and breastfeeding makes me hungry like crazy, and I hate working out. I'm about to kick it into gear though, because I am tired of still looking more than pregnant 9 months later. I turned 38 this summer, and had a moment of freak out about how my TTC days are likey coming to a close. At first I thought I had a timeline down of trying soon, but then I had the issues with my milk and realized how bad I wanted to breastfeed, so I finally made peace with getting this baby through a year of breastfeeding, naturally weaning and seeing what my body will do. I can't be worried about trying to have another baby by 40. And what if it doesn't happen at all? I want to enjoy my moments with this baby boy should he be my last. I don't want to rush time. Plus, it gives me time to get my weight down some which is always helpful.

Baby boy is doing awesome. He is seriously the most happy, chill baby ever. He is super happy to just be here. He nurses and eats like a champ. He loves pretty much anything we feed him. I'm not a fan of jarred baby food, so he has always just gotten whole foods and whatever we are eating. He takes a long morning nap and a short late afternoon one and sleeps 12 hours at night. So I am very spoiled.

The hubby and I celebrated our 16 year anniversary a month ago. We are in a pretty good space where our lives just flow. We still get into spats but it is nothing crazy. We can fuss and be mean to eachother and then it's over. I convinced him to start working out with me at night to help keep me motivated so I hope this works out well for us. We both need to get into shape, so I hope this is what we need.

Toddler boy is...well, he's a toddler! He's every bit of 2.5. He is a sweet and funny little guy. He is SO freaking smart, but most people can't tell because his language is slow. He is saying new things every week, but he is definitely not big to use many words most of the time. He still is screamy and yelling and rather running crazy most of the day. He also finally decided that his little brother isn't so bad and like to kiss him and bring him toys but that's about as far as he goes with it. He loves playing on the iPad so I have tried to put lots of educational apps on there. He has also become a picky and sporadic eater. If I get him to try some off of 2 meals I give him I am lucky. Not worth it to fight over it, this too shall pass.

My teen has had quite the summer. She crashed her bicycle and got a concussion at the beginning of the summer and had post-concussion syndrome. As soon as she got better from that she got her learners permit, and then her wisdom teeth out. She isn't really getting the hang of driving, though. She said she bought it would be easier than it actually is. Oh boy! She is a good kid, but we are still working on some attitude and behavior issues at home. She lost close to 80lbs in the lasts year and because of that and her increased activeness, her cycles are all screwed up, and she went from having them too close together to not at all. Trying to take a wait and see approach and hopefully her body figures it out.

My 10 year old is struggling. He was the baby until Toddler boy came around, and he is just not as mature as the girls were at his age in general. He cries and whines a lot which is difficult to deal with. But he is also a really great kid and big help, and so smart. He loves all things NASCAR so I am learning a lot about that, too. I have been debating changing him to a school closer to where we live now so he can make friends up here, but I also think I want him to have the teachers he will have this year. I'm praying a lot on this. He has an addiction to Minecraft so it's a fight getting him off his iPod to do anything else. I am frequently the bad guy making him give it up at night, or depending on his behavior, all day. I will catch him staying up at all hours playing it and then be tired and cranky the next day.

My Middle Girl got her period a couple weeks ago. So that explains how she has been...up and down. She can get quite mean but, unlike my teen, she is much easier to straighten out and talk out of her moods. As soon as I heard her call my name I knew why she was calling me. She cried like her heart was broken for a good half an hour. She keep saying through sobs how she was too young(she's 11). We sat on her bed once she calmed down and talked about why they say you can't swim, how to get around it, why girls have to get a period, and all those fun things. She had a sleepover the next day so I let the mom know just in case, but my girl is a trooper. And when she found out another girl had gotten hers right after school let out, she was ok. She just didn't want to be the only one.

My pets are all ok. My cat is still happy in the garage, and we put a window A/C unit in there and my husband insulated it so it's climate controlled in there now. Our beagles started getting out of the yard and we realized the invisible fence was broken. Rain had washed the soil down so a part of the wire was above ground and got run over with the lawn mower. It was likely broken for a few weeks before the dogs figured they could get out. My husband was able to fix it and get the line reburied which save some money, as Invisible Fence charges $150 per Hour!! My German Shepard had started hyper shedding and was leaving massive clumps of hair everywhere. I finally went out and bought one of those Furminator brushes and spent about 30 minutes on the deck brushing her out. I could have made another dog with all the fur that came off of her. I guess I am going to have to do this on the regular to keep it under control.

So whats new with all of you???