First Day of Spring??? (And Freebies at the End)

Tomorrow is the first day of spring. And we are supposed to be getting some kind of Nor’Easter, winter weather snow storm. Seeing as how there have been several times this winter where we were predicted to get significant snow and we didn’t, I am not getting my hopes up or getting overly worked up. Although it would be nice to have some snow to sled and play in to get me out of my current funk. See yesterday’s post for that quick recap. But yeah. Snow. On the first day of spring. It wouldn’t be the first time in recent memory.

Actually, 3 years ago I had a meeting with my realtor/friend at a cute little cafe in a historic part of my old town. I remember clearly that it was the first day of spring and freezing cold, with wind and a snow/ice mixture falling from the sky sideways and leaving a slushy mess on the roads. I remember I was miserable because I had a horrendously bad cold and was so congested and my ears were plugged. I couldn’t take anything because I had just found out I was pregnant with baby boy, and I was kind of puffy and bloated so my clothes didn’t feel quite comfortable and right. I wanted to cancel this lunch but we had rescheduled a couple times previously and needed to meet to discuss a strategy for house hunting that would soon commence, as well as just catch up. I had Toddler boy with me who was 14 months old. Cute as this cafe was, it wasn’t a great choice for a toddler, either in menu or in atmosphere (artisian sandwiches, and tables close together/shared spaces.) I didn’t pick it and so was trying to go with the flow. I ended up having to hold Toddler boy on my lap, as we couldn’t locate a high chair and I wasn’t keen on schlepping through business people during their working lunch hour with a toddler on my hip trying to figure out if they had high chairs. (They did, we saw as we were leaving. From the second floor dining area) Neither I not Toddler boy ended up eating much due to the cramped situation and the fact that I just couldn’t taste anything, and I probably looked like a low-functioning human as well. I did buy some amazing carrot cake muffins on my way out, for like $20 for 6.

So, first day of spring. Rita’s Italian Ice is giving away a free small ice tomorrow from 12-9, and Dairy Queen is having free cone Day as well to celebrate if you have either (or both!) of those near you. We do, and will be visiting both tomorrow, even if it’s in the snow! If you do, enjoy!!

When it rains

After having the most ridiculous and stressful day at work yesterday, I can home to find that our septic system had backed up (again). This has been an ongoing issue, cropping up every 8 months or so. We did a bunch of work last summer and thought we were safe-guarding ourselves from having this happen again. I guess not. Then we were given worst-case-senario news that what failed on our system is, well, the whole system. Basically a $10K repair. Oh, and we couldn’t use any real water since yesterday afternoon, so nearly every dish in my house was not only dirty, but the baby who is fighting a cold ended up coughing and puking before bed, onto my pillow and blanket, and several other things. Of which we couldn’t wash because we couldn’t use any water. It took me until 2am to get him back to sleep, and I had to be up at 4 for work.

This comes on the heels of a week that was stressful and upsetting in its own ways, the biggest thing being my 7 year old nephew’s PICU hospitalization and diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes. So I am well aware that my septic problems are solveable and things could be worse, and my stuff is truly a first world problem. But sleep deprivation make coping skills non-existent and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. And my period decided to show up this morning as well, as just the icing on this craptastic weekend.

I have no idea where we are going to get $10K for this repair. Our tax return (that wouldn’t even cover this anyway) was used for some other bills that needed to get paid off and some other home repairs. There is no insurance coverage or otherwise that covers for this sort of thing. I doubt anyone will give us a personal loan of that size. I’m looking into county loan programs but so far am coming up empty. Most of what I have found puts us just above of any income-qualifying income. I don’t know yet what our options are with the septic company, but I am sure they won’t do $10K of major work on a goodwill payment plan.

Some days, small bumps seem like huge mountains to climb. Today is one of those days.

This and that

We found a prom dress!!! The whole thing wasn’t as painful as I anticipated. It took us under an hour to be in and out of the store, the dress was on the clearance rack so it was under $150, the cut, color, and fit is perfect, and it’s modest, but still super pretty on her. It was also the only one in that color so likely no one else will have that dress. The most stressful part was that I let her drive in rush hour traffic on the beltway and it was pouring down rain. Not my best decision to date haha

Toddler boy started swimming lessons. He immediately graduated to a higher class after the first lesson, and is doing so well, they said he will likely be bumped up to the next class within a couple weeks. He is going twice a week right now, and I may add a third day in to speed up the progress even more. I also have some moms to talk to during the class, which is nice because I don’t know anyone who has small kids anymore. It’s also a pretty open environment so it gives Baby Boy free range to roam around and explore and I can still keep an eye on the lessons.

We found an affordable option for Pre-K for next year that I am hoping pans out. The private, church-based programs around me are very costly and hard to get into, and the public ones are income based and I don’t meet the criteria. I was thinking I was going to have to homeschool for pre-K (which I still might have to) but my friend with quads suggested looking into the local highschools because they have programs that the teens run which is where she sent her kids. Our high school does, so we applied, and it’s basically first come-first serve, but you don’t know anything until the fall. It’s a shame that pre-K isn’t publicly available, seeing as how the kids are older in K now and they expect them to know more than when I was young.

I ordered Strawberries from a school fundraiser, which coincided with us running out of strawberry jam (I make my own) so I made 2 large batches, which should last until strawberry season starts here and we pick our own. Making homemade jam isn’t as hard as it sounds (I didn’t try it for the longest time because I thought the same thing!) and I will write up a post with a recipe soon. I had my teen take a jar in for her Ag teacher (she’s taking Floral design as an elective this semester) who ran the fundraiser, and it made his day.

Toddler boy has been seeing pictures of German Shepherds and calls them all Karma and talks about missing her. He saw one of those “dog-shaming” pictures off a tear-away calendar and carried that around all weekend saying it was Karma, and he also found another one the other day and talked about how Karma looked sad and was lost and missing. Gah! It broke my heart. I miss my giant fur-baby, too. And no, we are not getting another dog. We still have two, and honestly my heart can’t take getting attached to another dog anytime soon.

My new favorite thing Toddler Boy does is that he comes up to me and says “Mom, I love your butt so much!” And then dissolves into a fit a giggles. I don’t know where he got this except for maybe hearing the older kids say “I love your face” and he changes it to butt because butt is a funny word to him, but it always makes me laugh and smile, and I always answer with “And I love YOU so much!” Sometimes he will even be silly and rub my butt, especially if we are laying on the floor playing. I have to say, it makes me feel marginally better about my super cushion-y rear end!

#Microblog Monday: Not Pregnant, Just Fat

It happened again. Probably the third time in the last year that I had a patient ask me about the baby I’m not expecting. It’s always older ladies that ask me. Being female themselves, you would think that they would already understand this to be an inappropriate question. Yet I still get asked it.

The first time I was thrown off by the question and was more embarrassed than anything. Just answered no and moved on, but not without feeing so very awful about myself. The second time I had a patient question whether I should be lifting her and when I said that it was fine, she said no but...bad motioned to my stomach and I knew what she was getting at even before she said it. Again, cue the internal self-loathing.

This last time, though...pushing a patient down the hall, she asked “when is the baby due?” And my heart sank. “What Baby?”, although I already knew. She quickly understood and apologized, and I was so embarrassed I didn’t want to look her in the face. And I also hope my coworker who was trailing behind didn’t hear this exchange. Once in the room she let apologizing and remarked “I should know better than to say anything, given how big I am” which just made it worse. I did what I had to do for her and just said “It’s ok” when really, it wasn’t. I looked her in the eye and spoke to her regarding her exam, but she looked back at me as if she knew how deeply her words cut me. As we were wrapping up, she said from her wheelchair “Can I just hug you to show you aim sorry for what I said” and so I hugged her and said again that it’s ok. Thank God my male coworker was oblivious, I think. Either than or he did overhear in the hall and was being extremely kind not to say anything.

Why do people feel like this question is ok to ask random strangers? And why do I feel the need to want to go and explain to this lady why I still look pregnant two years later? Why do I fee so bad for her, knowing how ignorant her words were, no matter how well-intended? Why do I feel the need to apologize for myself, that it’s not her fault I’m fat. Each time I get asked this question, it does a number of horrible things.

First, it makes me feel like an ugly, fat piece of crap. Just like wow, my physical appearance much just be horrendous. Second, it a HUGE reminder that my stupid body isn’t functioning properly. That I had to be on a medication to keep having breast milk for my baby because I lost all my milk, and that medication caused me to gain a bit of weight, so that my now empty abdomen won’t lay flat(ish, it was never flat), and then that post-wean my hormones have run amock and a sluggish thyroid combined with the rest of my hormones have made it impossible to see any real weight-loss progress, that I can’t seem to even jump-start by cutting carbs or any other lose weight fast trick. That not only do I have that, but also my screwed up hormones won’t allow me to get pregnant. That it’s just another reminder of all that IF and loss have taken away. I can never get all those years back, and now I am at the end of my reproductive life. That my body is somewhere between trying to function and menopause, and we are having a horrible time trying to fix any of it. And lastly, that I really, really wish I was pregnant. And being asked about a non-existent pregnancy just kills me in a way words can’t describe. Because I wish so badly that I was pregnant, and not just fat.