The New New

 So let’s just pretend it isn’t been months since I last blog and just get right to it.

I resigned from my job of almost 15 years.

Let me back up.

End of January my husband was laid off, out of the blue and quite unceremoniously. After the shock and sadness wore off of him, I convinced him to start his own business and so now he’s running a small operation from home, and once we get the legal stuff taken care of, it will be busier, we’re all pitching in to pass out business cards and wear logo shirts and it’s going to be a real family thing. Thanks to my online shopping skills, I am the purchaser for all the things. 

So fast forward these past few months, I’ve been carefully balancing vacation days with working extra and my overnight hours plus day hours were really starting to burn me out. Slowly I became less happy at work, but thought I was doing what I had to do.

Until about a month ago, when the bosses royally fucked up with a market raise that only some people got, and that I didn’t get. This all happened with it showing up on checks before anyone was ever told everything, mind you. Market raises are firstly supposed to be for everybody with the same credentials, which did not happen here. And I figured out on my own the reason I didn’t get mine was over a bullshit write up I got last July because I wasn’t Coddling to the younger people and someone got offended. The senario that was told never happened and I never got asked my side (although you can bet I gave it) but got written up anyway because this person skipped everybody else and went straight to the top who dumped it in the one person with whom dislikes me and that feeling is mutual. I looked it up and it states that write ups that occur in the 12 months prior to a market raise may be used in determining a raise (or not).

I was at month 11.

Not wanting to cause anyone any stress or upsetness, I didn’t tell anyone. But I started to realize in my head that this place doesn’t value it’s long term employees. I’ve worked steadily through this entire pandemic and continue to do so. My job is in the city. It’s not safe for me to drive to work or walk into the building across the street. It’s not safe inside because of the types of things we deal with and the patients we get every night. And it’s about an hour commute, so I think the gas prices explain that pretty well. And my work life balance was weighing way down on the work side so that’s been hard on all of us.

So. I updated my resume, sent it out, and phone started ringing right away and hasn’t stopped. I have an offer I accepted, and it’s a good one, and it’s half the commute or less, although still taking calls, because I don’t start just yet. Everything aligned with when to put in my notice in and my summer vacation I was already approved for. I’m down to my last 2 weeks here. This all happened in a matter of days.

The healthcare market is in dire straits, as is the whole world right now. I know what my experience is worth, and I demanded it. I went in like a badass version of myself I haven’t felt like in a long while, and I refused to be nervous and intimidated. I was also quite candid which I think may have scored me points because I was real. Like when I was explaining wanting to get out of the inner city hospitals, I said “I don’t want that to be how I die.” Which may sound crazy but it’s true. I’m hyper aware that I am unsafe Everytime I go to work  and that’s sad.

And I got the offer while we were out for our 22nd Wedding Anniversary. So it all seemed so kismet.

The pandemic has taught me a lot, but mostly that life is too damn short to be wasted on things that don’t matter. I have an older brother I was always close to but that I haven’t seen in 14 years. We reconnected (my daughter messaged him since I’m not on fb) and we started texting like no time had passed, and I booked a trip to go see him in mid-September in the wilderness of Idaho (seriously, he has mountain lions on his property) and he’s going to take me flying, teach me to shoot a gun, and go skydiving. He’s almost 20 years older than me, but he’s up for it. This will be a type of trip I’ve never been on before, but I’m excited. Mostly because he’s my big brother and I miss him. And I wonder why it took so long to find each other again.

I may have been complacent, coasting, just surviving there for a long while. But I’ve come to a point where I’m so thankful for my life, every the hard stuff, because I’m no wuss. Money and bills are just paper, and most of that dies when I die anyway. May as well stop wishing and start doing.

I finally feel like me again, and it feels fucking fantastic.