About Me

I am an insane human being. I have been a wife for 15 plus years, and a mom for almost as long. I had 3 children early on...then struggled with life and IF and loss for 8 years. Thought our family was complete, so I compensated by adopting all the shelter pets. Then we were surprised that our luck changed. Our running total is Parents: 2, Kids: 5, Pets:4. My life is far from perfect, and much of our happiness was hard fought and won, from the death of a parent, job loss and marriage troubles, miscarriage and IF, we have been through it all, and dare I say we made it, with a lot of love and laughter, and not taking ourselves too seriously.

Monday, February 15, 2016

MicroBlog Monday-Injustice

There are parts of my job that never, ever get easier.

This weekend I had to take care of a newborn in withdrawal. A baby born addicted to everything under the sun. The worst type of withdrawal to deal with. One in which using dosages of morphine only marginally helps. Violent shaking, uncontrollable wailing. My God, it's so hard to see. All I wanted to do was pick this baby up in my arms and comfort him and soothe it away. It made me sad. And so, so, SO angry. Furious with rage for a woman I have never met. A biological mother who did nothing to protect her baby, and only hurt him in the very worst of ways. This innocent child spending his first days on earth this way. He is so beautiful, so innocent. And so very sick.

I know so many people who so desperately want a child and just can't. So many still waiting, so many who decided on a childless life, so many who spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to reach that goal, some successful, some not. All the years that I tried to have a child and just couldn't. But someone who willingly throws poison into one's body so easily gets pregnant and continues to abuse. It is just so unbalanced and unfair.

Did you know that the majority of these babies get sent back into the situations they came from. Because there are too many of them, and it is too costly for the state to go through the steps to wrangle custody, and there are too many of them and not enough homes. Even though so many people are waiting for babies...just not babies like this then?? If there are, how can they not find each other?

There should be a system in place from the start. If your baby is born addicted, you don't get to have that baby. There should be families waiting for babies like these, so that they get someone right away who can give them the love and the comfort and stability newborns need, so that they are never alone. I know that this isn't the way, and that people deserve a second chance...but isn't part of the problem all the second (and third, forth, fifth??) chances abusers, addicts, rapists, murderers, and criminals get?? Taking a baby and putting them back into that situation because there is nothing better for them??? NO! Someone has to break the cycle. The kids don't ever stand a chance.

The doctor I was talking to mentioned how these babies can still be irritable when they go home, so then you are sending an extra-fussy newborn home with addicts who are barely functioning. What happens to those babies then? It just rips a hole in my heart to think about. This is the best the United States can do for our children, our future? What the hell kind of screwed up world do we live in? I said to the doctor I guess all we can do is pray that these babies get a better shot. That they get placed into better homes. One has to hope, right?

I couldn't get this baby out of my head. I got tears every time I walked by his room and heard him wailing. Saturday night as soon as I was off work I went to my baby and put him to my breast when he cried. I sat in Church with him cuddled against my chest snug in his wrap, my head bowed down kissing the top of his head. And I cried for that baby at work. And I prayed for that baby, and all babies like him. And I prayed for all those still waiting for their babies. And I prayed for a solution to this broken system of waiting families, babies that need real homes and families, a system that fails both of these over and over. And I prayed for the injustice of those that want and so desperately can't, and those that can and do so easily but don't take care of that precious life.

4 comments:

  1. In my experience with our birth mother, the social worker at the hospital told us when we saw Connor for the first time, that if she didnt have an adoption plan in place that CPS would have taken the child. Now with the sibling, she had one in place but didn't like them when she met them and tried to keep the baby. CPS stepped in and took the baby to a foster family. It was my understanding that their is a responsibility of the medical field to notify the state office when this situation happens and NOT let the child go home with the mother of the child. Using drugs during pregnancy is abuse of said minor. Is this not the case at your hospital? This blows my mind!!

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  2. It makes me sad, too. And it's frustrating to see the system failing those kids as well as those mothers. I don't think there is anyone on earth who would take drugs if they saw other options. And that makes me sad, too: all these people who have no hope in life and therefore turn to drugs.

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  3. Interesting...I was under the impression that if a mother or a baby had a positive toxicology screen at birth that CPS was called and there was at least counseling of some sort? Maybe that's just NY, or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part that there would at least be support and mandated child welfare visits if an infant is born into addiction. How sad for the infant, regardless of the home he or she goes home to. Sadness.

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  4. Oh man, I think about this all the time. All the time. I live in Canada, but I know there is a very similar situation going on in my community. It's just so frustrating the way the system is set up here. We don't have foster to adopt, although lots of babies are adopted that way you aren't supposed to go into fostering hoping to adopt. Also, lots of babies are placed through direct placement, but we aren't allowed to advertise... We can put our name on a waitlist once my baby reaches a year old, but who knows how long we would be waiting for... It's just so frustrating when my husband and I would gladly open our home to a baby like this. In fact, we were for a short time working with an adoption agency in the states who places high risk babies, but in the end we just couldn't afford the agency fees.

    They say they have the best interests of the baby at heart, but do they really?

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