So the very last post I started writing was way back on March 2nd. There has been so much I want to say but when I finally start writing it I just can't. It's hard for me to detail difficult things as they are happening to me, and I just didn't want to relive some of it all over again writing it. Then I was tired and didn't feel like writing and couldn't get my shit together enough to type anything out. So here is my latest attempt for my own sanity to do yet another updatey type post and hope I can do better from here.
•Raising a teenager is HARD. So, so, SO very hard and challenging. I fee ill equipped most days to be doing this. My kid is pretty good as far as behavior goes. It's all the other stuff that goes with it, made infinitely harder by the existence of social media and cell phones. I'm doing the best I can but some days my best is pretty much the lowest level possible; in other words pretty shitty. She struggles, I struggle. Such a work in progress and I pray All The Time.
•Toddler Boy is so thoroughly 2. He is such a loud yell-Y scream-Y boy. He is so sweet and so rough and so silly and so crabby all at the same time. He is definitely not so go with the flow and protests life on the regular. He also is wanting more of me to himself vs. being more independent so I almost never get a moment of downtime, since he also doesn't really nap. He could always definitely use a nap, but it's not with the fight and he always always wakes up worse than when he started so it's like the lesser of two evils. Either way he's a bear. But he is also so damn sweet and silly. His favorite thing to do is sit between my legs with puzzles or toys or books and we cuddle and play. He is so smart it's a little scary. I am currently typing this while he is climbing all over me. A huge part of his problem is that he is a terrible sleeper at night and always has been. So he is extra cranky but trying to set a dedicated nap time doesn't work for him. Some days he makes it all day and he's mostly fine, other days he is just miserable all day.
•Baby Boy is the easiest. Sleeps amazingly well (12+ hours every night!) and is so chill and just so happy to be here! He doesn't complain and is the smileyest baby around. He is a great little chatterbox and has been for a long time now. While he can roll and move he is more content to just lay back and suck on his fingers. Never was there a more perfect baby to be #5. It is so funny how babies can be so very different!
•I have been doing sit of work for my 4th and 5th graders as the room mom for both classes. I actually have one other mom in each class, but since the Christmas Party neither of them have done anything at all to help. One actually emailed me "busy with my kids and stuff" which I just rolled my eyes at and ignored because she has 3 kids and 2 are highschool age and one of them drives. So...telling me YOU'RE busy is just like ok whatever. I am not going to let my older kids miss out because I have other kids, even if they are an infant and toddler. So I made sure the kids had something yummy and awesome and homemade for Easter, and I went shopping for really good fun snacks for Standardized testing week, and I have done every part of the Fieldtrip planning. It means something to my kids that I am involved and they see that and know that and it makes them feel special and happy. And I do it for the other kids in their classes, too. And the teachers, because it takes some pressure off of them and also supports them. It's been a little crazy the last 2 weeks because there has been so much to do for the Fieldtrip that was time-consuming but it all came together.
•speaking of homemade...I make everything from scratch. Even when it's not the most convenient thing to do. My mom always did, and she went so far as to handmade all of our Halloween costumes, too on top of having a job! I don't sew at all, but it is definitely important to me to make things from scratch. I actually love pouring myself into a good recipe and getting the finished product. Once I've done the recipe once before it doesn't take me much longer than a box mix would. I also love that each time it comes out slightly different and it's been a great way to teach my daughter the ins and outs of baking and the slight variations that can alter the final product. It has made my kids food snobs though. They are sure to tell me when sauce comes out of a jar or someone brings in something store-bought to school for their birthday snack. But I am glad they notice that it's important to me to make time to do this. I guess that's how I feel...if it is important to me I make time to do it even if it's not the most convenient thing. Having my kids in a million after school activities isn't important to me, so I don't do it.
•I can't wait for warmer weather. It seems like I have been wishing for warm weather for so long now. We had a week of warm weather a while back, and got a couple days on Spring break that were really good. But it's pretty much been downhill from there and it's just been downright cold here.
•So my days have been on a crazy loop of waking up feeding babies and kids, feeding myself, playing toddler games, trying to do housework and personal hygiene things like shower and brushing teeth, errands, kid pick up, fixing of meals, getting everyone to sleep, more chores, letting dogs out. There are lots of joys and moments of sheer happiness and exhaustion and everything in between.
•My cat needs Prozac. The diagnosis of her peeing on my carpet all the time is that she is very angry with us from the move 10 months ago. She just hasn't adjusted, even though she has more space now. I actually wanted to get rid of her and take her to a shelter as I am not at all a cat person. But the vet and a rescue lady both suggested isolating her to the garage and see how she does. Well, the damn cat is happy. Happier than she has been since we moved. She plays with her toys now, uses her box, purrs when we come see her. Damn cat. The vet actually suggested Prozac so we can reintegrate her into the household but my feeling is if she is fine in the garage, then the garage is where she can stay.
•Our big freezer went up last weekend. We knew it was going to, as the top shelf wouldn't stay frozen but the rest of the freezer had been fine. So a new freezer was over $500. Well, I managed to find a practically new sub-zero commercial freezer on Craigslist for $80!! The people were closing a business and had 2 to sell. It's awesome and huge. So my husband went and got it Tuesday. I love when I can find good deals. I don't generally use Craigslist because people usually way overprice heavily used junk, but this was a lucky find.
•A huge financial thing that had been in the works for a while didn't end up panning out for us, which was a big bummer. As it drug on, I started realizing that it probably wasn't going to work out in our favor so I started trying to make other financial moves. I had to move a bunch of stuff around so that the impact wasn't so bad on us. A few weeks after that a different unexpected financial thing happened to work in our favor, and while it didn't make up for the first thing it certainly helped.
•I got up suuuper early on Easter to go to mass at the hospital. We usually go on Saturday nights but Easter is one occasion where the Saturday mass is a Vigil and very very long. I was working a partial day so I decided to go to the one at work that I have gone to before. I am so very glad I did. The Homily was exactly what I needed to hear, and one that has really stuck with me. One thing the priest said, "Stop concerning yourself with all the worldly things and have your eyes and mind focused upward to Heaven" has really stuck with me and helped a great deal with perspective.
I'm sure there is more but Toddler is making typing very very hard right now. Hopefully I will be back soon!!
- I am an insane human being. I have been a wife for 15 plus years, and a mom for almost as long. I had 3 children early on...then struggled with life and IF and loss for 8 years. Thought our family was complete, so I compensated by adopting all the shelter pets. Then we were surprised that our luck changed. Our running total is Parents: 2, Kids: 5, Pets:4. My life is far from perfect, and much of our happiness was hard fought and won, from the death of a parent, job loss and marriage troubles, miscarriage and IF, we have been through it all, and dare I say we made it, with a lot of love and laughter, and not taking ourselves too seriously.