The Children We Couldn’t Have

 As my hormones have made apparent, my baby days are over. Not by choice or decision, but by nature. And as more and more baby and maternity gear gets unearthed from its hiding spaces of my closets, being either given friends who will loving use it, or saving for hopefully one day grandchildren...I mean, my eldest is 20 now and I was 22 when I had her.... I’ve been working through a lot of deep thoughts and feelings about this process, struggling of the natural-ness that it’s supposed to be vs the actual mess of hormones and emotions that it actually is. Combined IF and loss into that mix and it’s a lot.

Mel of @strirrup-queens highlighted a post that had a line something to the effect of “we regret the children we did not have, not the ones we do” or something close. And it made me think...

Saying children we DID NOT HAVE somehow implies to me a type of failure. Thinking about the babies I lost, the pregnancies that barely got started, if at all. And more than just mine, but the embryo’s and babies of friends of mine, friends of all of us in the amazing community.

I couldn’t have the babies I wanted...many, many women I know couldn’t have the babies they wanted, many had babies that they couldn’t keep, who went to heaven all too soon. The babies we couldn’t keep.

I am personally opposed to abortion for myself personally, deep in my soul, regardless of religious teachings,, Scientifically, and as a woman in the healthcare profession. But I have many, many friends who have had abortions and I love them without judgement. This isn’t meant to be a political or prolife post, or one meant to stir up any trouble, so haters can go fuck off here.

The Babies We Couldn’t Have.The babies we couldn’t keep.

And I don’t think this has to be a “we regret the...” type of post. People can’t have babies for a million reasons. Not Every creature on this earth can produce and sustain life, even if they were biologically meant to.

My first girlfriend gave up her baby for adoption. We were 18. So many other people have had failed adoptions where they couldn’t keep the baby.

The babies we couldn’t have. the babies we couldn’t keep.

I MOURN the babies I couldn’t have. We mourn for the babies we COULDN’T have. No matter the reason or circumstance.

The babies we couldn’t have, and the babies we couldn’t keep. It sounds so much more inclusive, don’t you think?

🌈