Scattered

There are so many posts in my head that I can't ever seem to find time to type out. Life is moving at record speed and I am struggling to keep up. When I finally have some time to sit down and write, I am stuck. Everything in my head seems either trivial or I can't remember what I wanted to say. So in leu of anything super introspective or meaningful, I am going to do a recap of life lately. I haven't done one of these in a while anyway.

The holiday season was wonderful, if not a little crazy and weird. I guess that's what happens when you add a newborn to the fold. I managed to get what I wanted accomplished as far as wrapping and baking. But it all get so rushed. I would love to find a way to be truly able to sit and enjoy all the little moments during my favorite time of year.

Breastfeeding really makes everything take a backseat and truly makes you slow down and literally just sit. It is truly a lesson in what's important, that's for sure, and a lesson in patience for everyone else in the house.

10,000 steps is a way harder goal to get to than I ever thought. All the sitting for feedings and playing with my toddler really makes my step-taking take a hit. I end up pacing around my houe or back deck frantically after the little ones are in bed trying to get my steps in...sometimes as many as 5 thousand! I suspect that this will be a much easier goal to reach when we aren't so confined by the cold weather in a couple months. At least I learned about how long it will take me to make up the steps, and that it's doable in a reasonable amount of time so I don't just give up for the day.

All the walking made me realize I desperately needed new tennis shoes. So I ordered my favorite brand in the usual size and I am having trouble getting them to fit and feel right. When my order comes today I will officially have the same shoe in 4 different sizes to test and see what works best. I don't really think my foot changed much because I have several shoes in my normal size by this company that still fit completely fine they are just worn out. So I don't know. But I can't have my feet uncomfortable or hurting, especially for work.

My husband and I pretty quickly worked out our issue regarding that great divide I wrote about a few weeks ago. He settled down and we got on the same page and came to a mutual understanding that We can both live with. How it actually plays out in the extended family dynamic remains to be seen, but as long as he is on my side of things, which he is, I can't really worry about the rest of it. They are our kids and our responsibility and that's teally the bottom line.

I am still on maternity leave. My doctor wouldn't clear me for work until the end 12 weeks, which is what he was saying all along, due to the nature and requirements of my job. Over the holidays it was touch and go about whether I would be paid the additional time off as it falls under disability. The actual company that handles the claims actually denied the request despite notes in my chart saying I needed the 4 additional weeks, but my employer choose to override the decision without me having to argue them or file an appeal. It's still only partial pay but at least it covers all my benefit deductions so I don't have to worry about repaying that once I return to work. I could do an entire post on the ridiculousness of the entire situation of having a baby surgically removed from ones body and having to jump through a million hoops to prove you are still recovering from the procedure.

I am at a point where I am mentally ready to go back to work, I think. I don't want to leave my baby, and I am not looking forward to all the pumping and scheduling my work day around pumping, but it's time for everyone to get back to their regular schedules. I have always worked weekends, for 16 years now. The schedule my husband and I have figured out works for our family with still leaving plenty of family time. It was novel having the entire holiday season with every weekend open, even though we didn't fit in as much extra stuff as I thought we would due to sickness and babies and everything in between. I had grand ideas of what my leave would be like, and of course it was and it wasn't. I did finally finish all the things that were on my to-do list I wanted to complete BEFORE the baby came, so that's something. But the truth is my husband and I don't work well together. We actually clash over how we approach projects, and life, really. Too much togetherness isn't great for us. And that is starting to become where we are now. So yeah. Work.

The two Ts in my house are causing all the trouble. The Toddler is a horrific sleeper (he pretty much has never been a great sleeper EVER yet, despite every damn tip and trick I have ever heard of that we have tried) so it's pretty much a crap shoot how the night is going to go. My husband has been taking the night shift with him, since I have the baby to handle. Plus the Toddler will soon be 2, so he's at THAT AGE. The Teenager is just another thing all on her own. Her own time management is causing most of the issues, along with her attitude. She has always been the kid that turns the house upside down, so that's nothing new. But now there are far too many people in the house for her antics to fly without someone losing out. So I pray, a lot more than I ever used to.

Perspective is everything. I have this coworker/"friend" (In quotes because if we were not coworkers in an environment where we needed to get along, I don't think we would be friends.) who gives off this snobby, entitled vibe, but tries so hard to hide it and act like she is not that way. One of those self-absorbed people who always has drama, but tries to disguise it by always saying "I don't really want to tak about it, but..." And almost never asks how you are doing but constantly goes on about themselves. We only text now because we ended up being cycle buddies last year when we were both doing treatments. I think she ended up being 3 days ahead of me, and we both got pregnant. But every time you talked to her it was all worst case scenario she had every single possible remote issue in the book, the entire time. To the point it got ridiculous, and almost self-fulfilling Profecy. Everything from transfer to betas to every week of pregnancy, to delivery, and now the newborn stage. EVERYTHING is harder for her "because I had to do IVF" "Us IVF patients" and "IVF babies". It is SO MUCH DRAMA. Her DAD went with her for her baby's first vaccines because it's JUST SO TERRIBLE. When, in reality, this girl has not had to go through even a bit of what other people go through, and the majority of her drama is so made up on her head. It's really sad. And exhausting. At least when I go back to work I know I will be too busy pumping to have much time for it. Saving me now is the fact that I don't have to really respond to all the crazy drama-filled texts.

Ok. Weird way to end here but laundry needs to be switched and baby is ready to eat.

How has everyone else been? Say hi in the comments and let me know what's new with you.